No, this is not a satirical piece from The Onion. This is for real. A local chapter in Pennsylvania of the Ku Klux Klan has formed a Neighborhood Watch.
Apparently there has been a bunch of break-ins in this particular neighborhood, Fairview Township, and the local Klan just wants to help, as only it can. They have sent out friendly fliers so that the folks around the block would know that everything is well-protected. (I do think they should have gone with a different graphic designer, though. It's not completely clear that the picture is a kindly watcher, and not one of the menacing thugs.)
"You can sleep tonight knowing the Klan is awake!" Hey, this is better than you think because clearly they're not only patrolling but also providing bedsheets.
And for all of you concerned that Black people in the neighborhood won't be sleeping one wink with the Klan marching by outside -- not to worry! I don't suspect that this is a neighborhood with lots of Black people living there.
“It’s just like any neighborhood watch program. It’s not targeting any specific ethnicity. We would report anything we see to law enforcement,” Frank Ancona, the Klan's imperial wizard, told PennLive. “We don’t hate people. We are an organization who looks out for our race. We believe in racial separation. God created each species after its kind and saw that it was good.”
Right-o. Certainly they think it was good. After all, I'm sure they thank their God each night that they were born white. And yes, they do indeed believe in racial separation: I suspect they believe White people should live in America, and Black people should ideally live somewhere else.
I'm a little confused, though, when they say "God created each species after its kind." I thought God created man in His own image. But then, maybe that explains their line, "We don't hate people." After all, if you don't consider one of those species to be "people," than I guess they figure it's okay to hate them.
Happily, they won't be targeting any specific ethnicity, they'll only be targeting general ones. That's why the larger question is what these fine fellows consider "anything" worth reporting?
"Hello, Sixth Precinct? I want to report a Black man walk along Benton Avenue. And a car with two Black people in it drove by. It was going a little slower than the speed limit, so they were probably casing homes. And a Black man is going up to all the houses here and seems to be trying to get inside, opening up slots and attempting to get his hand inside. It's probably a Black Power maneuver because he's in a in paramilitary uniform with an eagle on the sleeve, though it may be one of those gay groups because he's got a leather bag strapped over his shoulder, filled with leaflets, I think, or some sort of envelopes, and he's wearing a flouncy power-blue shirt and shorts."
According to an article on PennLive.com, Mr. Imperial Wizard Arcane said that a number of people recently called the Traditional American Knights hotline from Fairview Township. He explained that that complained that they didn't have enough protection. For the record, "one" is "a number."
For the record, too, Mr. Arcana also told PennLive, “Anyone who is not part of the klan is considered an alien.”
I guess that supports his comment above, that this klan-backed neighborhood watch program doesn't target any specific ethnicity. Apparently, it targets all ethnicity.
No word yet whether George Zimmerman will be helping patrol.
Robert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting.
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