About 10 days ago, I wrote a long article about my efforts to get Steve Carell's commencement address at this year's Northwestern University graduation ceremony posted on YouTube.  It wasn't there, but at least I was able to track it down -- buried in the full graduation video that was buried on the Northwestern website.

Well, we have a Breaking News Update:

It took WEEKS – and I like to think my repeated noodging of several Northwestern officials may have had something to do with it, but…
 
Northwestern has finally posted Steve Carell’s commencement address on YouTube!!  O huzzah!
 
Now, yes, I know it could be pure coincidence, and something they were planning to do anyway.  But – a) when I wrote all these people several times, no one ever said “We plan to post it on YouTube.  Please leave us alone.”  All I got was telling me where it was buried, and b) it took almost a month to post it, which could have been done in one day.
 
So, I’m going with my noodging assertation, and will stand by it until contradicted by school officials.  Which I think is unlikely to happen, so I’m on very safe ground.
 
If you chose not to check out the commencement address when I first sent the convoluted link, because it was too much a bother, but you wanted to see the speech -- which is a light-hearted, but a lot of fun and very funny -- the DIRECT link is...here!  Just scroll down to the bottom of the page.

​Victoire!

​'Tis the season -- for watermelon, that is.  And because I love watermelon, we're going to have an extravaganza of three videos on cutting the suckers.  I posted this originally in 2023, so it's time to bring it back.

(None of these are exactly the way I cut them, since I tend to buy the smaller, round, seedless "personal" watermelons.  But the last two videos are pretty close.)

First though, we'll start with one of the those "50 People Try to..." videos from Epicurious.com.  Not shockingly, what these people are flailingly trying to do is cut a watermelon.  The fun of the video aside, this is the best instruction at the end for how to cut a watermelon in wedges.

​This next video is short, only about a minute, and comes from The Racheal Ray Show.  It's close to how I've been cutting my watermelons, though with a couple of slight differences. 

The first is that they're using a bigger watermelon that I use, but it's still basically round, like mine.  The other is that her Senior Culinary Producer is showing how to cut spears, and I like cubes.  So, I just easily slice the rinds off the ends and then easily cut the spears in to cubes.

​Finally, this third video is a new way I've learned, and definitely weird on the surface, but I've been trying lately with reasonable success.  I'm not sure if it's faster or better than my "lattice" version above, but it may be, and it's fun.  It comes from Alton Brown from Food Network.  This is for a regular watermelon, but works just as well with one of my round fellows.  And it uses...a cheese slicer!  (Hey, I told you it was weird.) 

However, after the video, I have an update about this from when I first wrote about it.

After making a wheel, I then turn it into cubes by making cross-lattice cuts.  I haven't mastered a smooth move with the cheese slicer, but I'm getting better.  And if I leave too much watermelon on the rind -- that's fine, I just snack on it while continuing with the cutting.

My update is that, although I like this method because it's sort of fun (and works), my skillset isn't at the level of Alton Brown, and I haven't yet mastered the ability to get nice, smooth edges.  And what I discovered as a workaround is that I could still use this basic method but instead just use a basic paring knife.  It's perhaps a touch slower (and not as fun), but worked really well.

That said, if you want to try the last method and use a cheese slicer, but don't have one, this is the model I got here from Amazon.  It's currently being sold for $10, which is 55% off its regular price -- and even down $2 from what I wrote about this last time.  It has 4.3 stars out of 5, and I like it because the screws on the side make it easy to remove the guide bar (which is necessary to take off, in order to use for slicing off the watermelon rinds.)

 The other day, I (like many tens of millions of other people) received this email below from the Social Security Administration tonight.  It glowingly praised the “benefits” to recipients from the new budget bill.

There was a lot more that I wanted to say, but I knew I was writing in response to a bulk email that would get read by a low-level employee who had absolutely nothing to do with sending the original email, and likely wouldn't forward it anywhere.  So even I have my limits and know when to occasionally keep it short.  And also, even though I was writing on the SSA contact form and not replying to a generic bulk email, I didn't expect a response.  And in some ways, I didn't precisely get one.  However, the Social Security Administration actually did write back.  If you can call it that.  This was their in-depth, thoughtful reply --

"Thank you for contacting the Social Security Administration.

"We apologize for the delay in answering your inquiry. We regret any inconvenience this may have caused."

Honestly, I'm glad that they didn't write any more than this.  If they had, then -- me being me -- I probably would have written back.  And then they'd have sent another auto-reply.  And...

This omission was even more odd given the speaker, the focus of the speech, and Northwestern being one of the leading universities in theater, communication and journalism.  I’m certain, considering the national attention the speech got, that a great many people searched YouTube to find the whole speech (alums, prospective students, prospective theater students, and the general public), only to come up empty-handed.  It’s such a great opportunity to easily promote Northwestern, and in an accessible way.  All the more so at a time to offset attention from when the school has been egregiously attacked by the Trump administration, having $790 million in research funding frozen.
 
But no Carell speech.
 
Finally, I wrote to the school, asking if it was available anywhere – not just on YouTube, but even on the Northwestern website – and made all these points above.  I heard back, and it turns out that the speech is, happily, on the Northwestern site.  But – it’s buried so deeply,  which is why I was unable to find it.  It was on a page under Graduation and then under Families and Guests.  And even at that, the speech itself wasn’t posted, but the entire two-hour graduation ceremony – which is why I couldn’t find it was a search.
 
This remains inexplicable.  Almost no one will find it here…rather than editing the speech out of the full ceremony and posting it on YouTube.  After all, that’s where far-more people can find it much easier -- but also that link on the NU site is for the full commencement rather than just the Carell speech alone (which ultimately is the attention-getting “headliner” of the event), and also YouTube videos are so easy for people to repost, embed in articles, and spread positive attention about Northwestern. 
But…well, maybe at some point they’ll post the speech alone on YouTube.  At least for now, it’s available somewhere.  In the middle of the full event.
 
And it’s a very entertaining speech, charming and thoughtful, and often extremely funny.  Carell himself didn’t go to Northwestern, though as I noted yesterday, his daughter graduated in 2023 (so the actor was there in attendance when Gov. Pritzker gave his Office-themed speech), his son is a student at the school now, and Carell himself actually went to Northwestern’s summer “Cherub program” for high school students – and started his career in Chicago at the Second City theater.
 
I’ve had  two occasions to cross paths with Steve Carell.
 
The first time was in 2000 at the Democratic Convention in Los Angeles.  I was covering it for an article I was doing for the Writers Guild.  And he was there for his work as a “correspondent” on The Daily Show.  We ran into each other on the street outside the convention center, and he was extremely personable, giving me some advice on how to best get around the event.
 
The other time was when friends were directing and producing the movie, Get Smart.  I visited the set one day, and when sitting around with my friends waiting for a lengthy set-up, Carell came by.  And for about 20 minutes, we all had a very enjoyable conversation.  One thing I fondly remembered.  I don’t recall exactly how the topic came up, but it was on when actors complain about not getting all the perqs they wanted.  Carell acknowledged that his perspective was different from most because he came to his success much later in his career than many.  But in a quiet voice – and remember, this wasn’t for the press, there were no news cameras around – he said, “I get a nice trailer, I get meals, I’m treated well.  And anyone who complains about that…” and he paused for just a very brief moment, “…is an asshole!!”

Anyway, here's the commencem...

We interrupt this article for this Breaking News.

UPDATE:  When I initially posted this tale, this is the point where I directed you to the Northwestern website and where the speech is buried, and at what time in the speech you should jump to to see Carell's speech.  But --

It took almost a month (and I like to think perhaps all my noodging emails to three different school officials), but...Steve Carell's commencement address was finally posted on YouTube!  O huzzah!  So, you don't have to go anywhere, but just click on the video below.

And yes, here is what he says.

Yesterday, I was at the grocery store.  And  yes, this has to do with politics.  I’ll get to that in a moment, but first some background.  While I know most people know all this, the specifics of it are important to the tale.
 
Trump and MAGOP officials keep trying to insist that, no, they are not touching Medicaid, they’re just changing requirements for people qualifying for it.  (Fun Fact: Yes, this is changing Medicaid.  No, it’s not changing what’s covered, but it’s changing the program as written.  That’s not a hard concept to get.  Though clearly an easy concept to flim-flam.)  As a result of these changing requirements, experts estimate that between 12-16 million people will lose at least some of their Medicaid coverage.
 
The changes are basically bureaucratic red tape.  Which, as we all know, always goes really well, especially with the government.  In theory, it’s to make sure that non-citizens can’t get coverage and also so that people work in order to be covered, unless they meet certain conditions that make work not possible.
 
For starters, non-citizens are not eligible for Medicaid, so that’s a non-issue.  Further, about two-thirds of people on Medicaid are already working.  And the rest either have to stay home to take care of someone, underage, or unable to work.  So, that’s a non-issue, too.  But clearly an easy concept to flim-flam.
 
So, again, this is basically about creating bureaucratic red tape.  And what kind of red tape paperwork will be required?  It’s largely filling out a lot of forms online, and also regularly uploading documentation of current work, and uploading computer files of work history.  That sort of thing.  Whatever else the government decides is necessary to qualify for whatever you already qualify for.  Pretty much a government convoluted mess.
 
Which brings us to me going to the grocery store yesterday.
 
I got in a checkout line with one person ahead of me, someone in the midst of paying their tab at the credit card device.  She had clearly been having a bit of trouble, since the cashier had to jump in and explain what to do.  The suggestions weren’t having any impact, though, so eventually the cashier left her station to provide some personal assistance – pointing out what the woman should do, what to punch in and where the card should go. 
 
The cashier returned to her spot…but the card was still giving back error messages.  At this point, those of us in line had been waiting about five minutes, perhaps longer for the person ahead of me.  To her credit, the lady trying to pay looked over embarrassed and apologized, which is all your can really ask for, so it was appreciated, and we said “No problem.”  It was fine, we weren’t in a rush, though it was getting a bit tiresome.
 
The cashier kept giving advice, it didn’t work, they got someone else from the store to help, it was no good, the woman kept trying, and…finally, she got the card to be accepted, and all was well!  O huzzah.
 
Which brings me to the point.
 
If this is the problem some people can have trying to use their credit card to pay their grocery bill (and I am absolutely certain that this wasn’t the only person who has problems doing this – not all may have this much difficulty, but they still surely have hiccups – what end of the card do you slide it, where do you tap the card, is your card expired, making a mistake taping in the PIN, forgetting the PIN, having an expired card -- and some, many may well have this much of a problem –
 
-- can you imagine the problem some people, many people, not improbably most people might have trying to provide the required red tape information the government requires for Medicaid??!!!  Filling out forms online, uploading documentation of current work, uploading computer files of work history.  And whatever else the government needs.
 
And then getting some government work to help you.  After budgets and staffs have been cut.
 
This, by the way, is one of the reasons experts say that they expect millions of people will lose their Medicaid coverage.  Not because they don’t qualify, but because they can’t figure out and get around the red tape.  And just give up.
 
(John Oliver touched on this a bit last night, which I posted here.)

As I watched the woman yesterday understandably having trouble for at least five minutes merely trying to paying for her groceries just using her credit card, something so basic that she'd no doubt done hundreds of times, but hit a hiccup, which so many people -- if not all -- have  had happen, all I could think was...oh, my god, MAGOPs in Congress have absolutely no idea they hell they will unleash upon themselves forcing people to go through government computer bureaucracy in order to qualify for healthcare.

I know a lot of people who won't be able to come close to handling it.  I'm sure we all know people who won't.  I'm sure people who are adept with computers, technology and the online world who will still have problems tracking down information, following government instructions which may not be perfectly clear, and just typing something wrong by mistake.  And even if it all goes perfectly, hoping the system won't crash or have a problem.  Which, of course, never happens with computers or online services, or the government.

It was a simple, basic credit card device.​

But no, this is what Trump and MAGOPs want.  This is the bureaucratic paperwork red tape they are voting on to become law.

Be careful what you wish for, your might get it.

The flood.

After posting that, I turned back to my other work and then went to lunch.  And when I came back to the desk, I thought I'd check in to Facebook to see if anything had come to Bart's attention, and if he'd responded.

And it did and, of course, it had.  

And the wonderful thing about a good BartRant (tm) is that he writes with such verve that it's the literary equivalent of writing without stopping to take a breath.  He wrote --

"​What a shock - said no one who knows Hawley. Peter Thiel probably cried "I need a bigger boat!" and that Senator with a spine of bacon grease responded, "Yes sir! Need it waxed on Sundays, sir?' Hawley is the worst sort of politician which also makes him the worst sort of human being. He lies for points. He wants a $15 minimum wage. Because it has no chance of passing the senate. If it did he would reverse course faster than a cartoon roadrunner (his resemblance to that drawing is uncanny…). Medicaid cuts? He’s railing in the Senate - and more importantly, for the cameras - how he’s against it until… oh look, surprise, surprise, Gomer didn’t just want provisions changed he did a donut in the high school parking lot until he was driving off in the opposite direction. Because he can’t disappoint the people who really put him in office - billionaires. Want to know why his face is so thin, easier to get it up some very rich donor’s ass. But take comfort, when you’re poor and dying from lack of medical care - he’s fighting for hospice to send you on swiftly so you’re no longer a burden to society."​