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I’ve had an odd reaction about the whole ICE invasion of Minnesota, along with news that 1,500 active duty troop have been put on alert for deployment to Minnesota. To be clear, yes, of course, I’m aghast and sickened and furious and sadden by the violence caused by ICE and by the Trump administration’s reaction to it all. But separate from that, whenever the story comes on and I see all the brutality there and how unrelenting the military presence is, my reaction is – Minnesota??? Now, no, I don’t have great, long experience living in Minnesota, nor spending a huge amount of time there. But I’ve spent more time there than I have in probably 46 other states. My brother lived in St. Paul – sister-city to Minneapolis – and I visited him there. In fact, one night he took me to a radio show he’d been writing me about and loved, a thing called A Prairie Home Companion, that was still just a local show on Minnesota Public Radio. I even still have my program from it at the World Theater and have a booklet of funny poems I bought that Garrison Keillor wrote, supposedly by ‘Margaret Haskins Durber,’ the Poet Laureate of Lake Wobegone. Further, I remember getting up every day and listening to the morning show on WCCO, where the DJ was Keillor. When I was at the oft-mentioned Camp Nebagamon, we were about a 20-minute driven from the border with Minnesota, at Duluth-Superior. As campers, on occasion, we’d go to Duluth on field trip days. And when I became a counselor, we’d often go to Duluth. (Rarely to Superior, on the Wisconsin side, which did not leave up to its name.) I still remember listening to the radio, where you’d get the Duluth stations, and hearing the ads for the main department store there, Goldfine’s. It was memorable because the announcer would promote their special on-sale items that week, and one of them has stuck with me all these decades because it was so Minnesota – because their special was “Potted plants potted in pots.” (A couple of years later, one of the younger Goldfines became a counselor, too, a nice guy. And on a day off, a few of us went into Duluth and were invited to his house for lunch, where we met his father who owned the store. And the moment he began talking, a huge smile broke out in me because I recognized the voice – he was the guy pushing “Potted plans potted in pots.”) Another time, I took a canoe trip in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness, whose main base leaves from outfitters in Ely, Minnesota. And we canoed, portaged and camped out on just a few of the 10,000 lakes. None of this qualifies me as an expert or deeply knowledgeable about Minnesota. But I do have a respectable knowledge of the state and a great appreciation for it. From my time there, and having friends who live there and teach at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, Minnesota has always struck me as the closest state that the U.S. has to Canada. I don’t mean logistically, though it does border Canada, or that its Minnesota accent is a cousin to Canada’s, but all that and (most importantly) how Minnesota Nice is as similar to Canada Nice as anywhere in America. And this is where Trump and MAGOPs have sent the military to brutalize and shoot and gas and even kill people. This is the hill that Trump and his fascist team and MAGOP enablers in Congress actually chose to fight on -- chose to make a pretend point about supposedly radical protestors who are “domestic terrorists” and “professional agitators”????!!!! Minnesota??? Minnesota?!!!!!! That’s who Trump and DHS and his clueless cronies chose to attack with an unrelenting, daily military barrage, trying desperately and cruelly to justify to the America public that conditions in this most tranquil of states are so out of control with non-existent public rioting and fictional anarchy that he may even have consider invoking the Insurrection Act!! Meehna-soaw-tuh. You betcha. Darn tooting. Have a nice day. When Trump, Kristi Noem, Tom Homan (post his $50,000 bribe) and others first sent ICE, the U.S. Border Patrol and National Guard into Los Angeles, as sick and reprehensible as it was (and illegal, as a federal court later ruled), I at least understood why the fascists stood a chance of not outraging the public as much as would be the case elsewhere, since Los Angeles is LaLa Land, and Hollyweird and nut cases and drugs. But what on earth were they thinking when they decided, “Hey, you know who we should violently attack with federal military? Minnesota!!!” There were a lot of Americans who might sympathize with screwing over L.A. just because it’s L.A. But if there’s any state in the union that (for whatever problems it has, and it does have problems, like all states) Americans generally like and think is low-key and quintessentially American and friendly and polite -- Minnesota is very high on that list. States like Vermont and Rhode Island are up on the list, too, but you can actually find Minnesota on a map. Easily. And as I watch the absolutely out-of-control daily violence perpetrated by ICE – towards people who are going to doctor's appointments, look Hispanic, sound Hispanic, going to work, protesting by blowing whistles (which is completely legal, of course) – people who smile and say to armed ICE agents, “Dude, I’m not mad at you” before the officer shoots them to death – I am unable to not stop and take a step back and think…Trump and his circle of fascists have actually chosen to brutalize…Minnesota! And they think that most Americans won’t be even more horrified by their fascist actions than they would be otherwise. And it's all enabled by the MAGOPs in Congress who, at best, are silent and accepting of it all and -- at worst -- are piling on publicly with support. None of them understanding that each ICE attack, each MAGOP attempt to justify it, each ludicrous faux-cry of "domestic terrorists!!!, only comes back to deeply undermine Trump and his party. Because Americans actually see the brutality unrelentingly on television every day, and actually have long had an extremely good sense of what Minnesota -- Minnesota!! -- is.
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As we near the end of the year, we’re going to go with a tech story today. But it’s a fairly important one -- and also, rest assured, really easy. So, bear with me. It concerns passkeys, which are the future for replacing passwords. You don't need to know this right now. But -- you will be using passkeys to sign into websites and even Windows sometime in the near-future. In fact, they aren’t even just the near-future, passkeys are here right now for many websites (and for logging into Windows and Apple computers). But the concept of passkeys is probably a bit bewildering to most people. The thing is – it’s actually very easy to understand…when explained properly. Which brings us to this. I’ve mentioned my friend Ed Bott on this site occasionally. Ed is a great, award-winning tech journalist who writes a wonderful column on ZDNET (which you can find here). You've heard the expression, "He wrote the book on..." Well, Ed literally "wrote the book" on how to use the Windows -- the current and earlier versions, each published by Microsoft Press. His most-recent, an 816-page tome on using Windows 11 can be found here.  That's how smart and good Ed is. For his column, he writes about very high-tech subjects, but in clear, human English, often with a good dose of Bottian humor. And last week, Ed had a superb article about passkeys. He notes in the piece – “After a lengthy online exchange on the subject with a friend who finally achieved an "Aha!" moment, I think I figured out why the topic is so confusing.” I can speak from personal knowledge when I say how terrific the column is – because the “friend” Ed refers to is…me! About six weeks ago, I’d read yet one more article purporting to explain how easy passkeys are, and it was utterly bewildering. So, I wrote to Ed about passkeys being so convoluted. And that began a long exchange of emails between us, where he tried to explain them – until, finally, after a barrage of questions, I did indeed have that “Aha!” moment. And for Ed, as he writes in this column, based on that exchange, it was an “Aha!” moment for him, as well, in realizing how to explain it easily. The challenge in explaining what a passkey is and how it works, he notes, is that “A passkey is not a tangible thing -- it's an abstraction.” And Ed figured out how to easily explain the abstraction. (I try not to bug Ed too much with techie questions, since I know he SO graciously spends a lot of time explaining them. Amusingly, in checking our passkey exchange, my first email to him had the Subject line: "Minor passkey question." Ha! It turned into anything but that! I'm deeply appreciative each time he goes into Bott Mode and explains so wonderfully, but he always says that "Explaining is what I do," and adds that often my questions and our discussions lead to column ideas for him. My favorite came after a lengthy exchange we had about me getting a new computer and all the options. He later wrote an article about it, and in a video interview about the column, he told the interviewer, "I was having a discussion with a friend -- let's call him....."Bob".) I’ll let Ed's passkey article speak for itself, because it’s so good and so fun to discover one’s own “Aha!” moment. But just to put it in perspective and set the table, I’ll give a very brief, easy -- and very simplistic -- background. But it should give you a basic starting point. First, the reason to get rid of passwords is that a password can be figured out by scammers or stolen. Passkeys cannot. Passkeys only reside physically on your own computer (or tablet or phone). And they’re hidden in a totally secure area on your system – so hidden that even you don’t know where they are. As Ed wrote to me in our email exchange, "That passkey can't be stolen. It's locked in a secure vault and is never exposed. Ever." And second – and this is part of the “Aha!” moment realization – is that passkeys are nothing more than like a high-tech handshake between the website you’re logging into and that hidden passkey on your system. Think of it this way: When you’re asked by a website, “Do you want to log in with a passkey?” and answer yes, that website checks to see on its own site that “Oh, okay, this person has a passkey” -- and it then sends a question to your device, to ask “Is this person who they say they are?” What your system then does is simply confirm that the request came from a legitimate site, and then asks you to confirm your identity. Once you do, your computer goes ahead and checks that secure, hidden area that is physically on your system to see whether you really do have a saved passkey. If it finds one, it sends a confirmation back to the website (but does not send the passkey itself!), and you get access. Again, to clarify, the passkey is never even sent. It stays secure and hidden on your system. The only thing sent back is the confirmation that all is well, so let the person into your website. That’s it. There’s nothing for you to remember. No keystrokes that an outside hacker can steal. No way at all for an outside scammer to get access to your passkey unless they literally are sitting at your system and using it. (And even at that, they still have to be able to first identify themselves with either biometrics, like facial recognition, or the PIN you set up on your device to log in.) So, that's what a passkey is: just the website you want to log into shaking hands with the passkey hidden on your system, and matching. That’s all. That’s also just a very basic explanation. Ed explains it so much better. So clearly. So simply. So much more enjoyably. And his article also has more, interesting things to know about passkeys and using them on multiple devices. So, do yourself a favor and take a look at his article about it here. Because passkeys are here already. (I use about a dozen so far.) And they are going to eventually replace passwords. Because they are extremely safe. And easy. Some stories are too jolting, profoundly sad, pathetic, maddening, heart-sickening and wrong to go into detail about them. And I won't, I'll just leave it to the news. Instead, I'll pass along the one occasion I spent some time with Rob Reiner. This is back at the very start of his directing career. He didn't have a big production company yet, there was no Castle Rock Entertainment since there was no Stand by Me at this point. He'd directed This is Spinal Tap, and I think that he had directed The Sure Thing, but if so, it had only just been released. But that's how early it was with his directing. It was just him and his partner, Andrew Scheinman. They had an office with a couple of rooms and a large meeting area. And they were interviewing for a story editor to join them. (That would be a person who reads screenplays, suggests what's worth it that the bosses should read, and helps with the process of developing the work.) Somehow, I found out about this and got a meeting. The initial contacts I had at the office were with Andrew Scheinman. We talked a few times, and then he gave me a script to read and analyze to see how I responded to it and what my suggestions would be. It went well enough that he said I should meet with Rob, and so a time was set. Not shockingly, when I showed up I was pretty nervous -- not just because I was going to be meeting with "Rob Reiner," or meeting with The Boss whoever it would have been, but above all the job sounded great, and I really wanted it. The three of us sat in the meeting room, just a big open area, so it turned out not to be an imposing situation of coming into The Head Man's Office with him sitting behind a desk lording over his domain, with awards and photographs of famous celebrities lining the walls Just basically three chairs facing one another in a big room. They may have even just been card chairs. Very low key. And from the first, Rob was so pleasant that I was immediately put at my ease -- and within five minutes all thoughts of anxiety were gone, and it was just the three people having an enjoyable conversation. And most of the time, it was only the two of us, with Andrew Scheinman only chiming in on occasion, letting Rob get a feel for working with me. And when I say it was more like an enjoyable conversation than an interview, that's because much of the time when Rob talked, it was telling fun, interesting stories. I wish I remember the details, but I don't -- it was 40 years ago. The only story I do recall him telling is one he's since told on TV interviews, about him visiting the set of The Dick Van Dyke Show, which of course his father had created, having a crush on Mary Tyler Moore, patting her on the butt one day, and being reprimanded by his dad. What I most remember is that this meeting wasn't just a brief meet-and-greet, but lasted three-quarters of an hour, and it was a joy. He was so personable, so involving, so thoughtful and kind, nothing at all over-bearing, nothing pompous, everything very low-key. Just a very enjoyable talk. I left thinking less about what the job was and almost entirely that I really wanted to work with these guys, I really wanted to work with Rob Reiner. A few days later, I checked back with Andrew Scheinman to find out any updates. He didn't have a decision from Rob yet, but said that Rob had really liked talking with me, and it was down to two people -- me and a young woman. I should call back in a few days. And when I did call back, it was good news and bad news -- though mostly bad. The good news is that they didn't hire the other person. The bad news is that Rob had decided that they were much too small and didn't really need a story editor. So, they weren't going to hire anybody. It was so disappointing, but the worst part was that I couldn't get overly upset because, unfortunately, I completely understood. They were too small. That's how early it really was in his directing career. I could see why they thought they didn't need anyone. (At least yet.) But it was such a letdown -- not because I didn't get the job (though, of course, that was some of it) -- but because I'd had such a great time talking with Rob, and I liked Andrew, and I would have loved to have worked with them. Then, not long after, they made Stand by Me. And his directing career skyrocketed. They formed Castle Rock Entertainment. The company grew, and they not only needed a story editor but also a full staff. And the company kept growing and making wonderful movies and TV series. At that point, though, I'd moved on. I'd optioned my first screenplay, joined the Writers Guild and worked on a variety of other films (still doing some on-set PR work), including eventually The Naked Gun movies, which is where I met the film's Associate Producer Michael Ewing, who years later became a successful producer and eventually optioned my current screenplay The Wild Roses, which...well, we'll see what happens next with it. So, life takes you in all manner of different direction across a very winding path. But...I loved meeting Rob Reiner and spending a wonderful 45 minutes with him, and still to this day have the fondest memories of it. And it would have been a joy to have worked at his company, if he'd felt they needed a story editor. Not because of the company -- because the company wasn't much of a company then, it would have been only three people -- but because of him. Meeting someone once for 45 minutes doesn't mean you know them. I did not know Rob Reiner. I just know what he was like spending three-quarters of an hour talking with one another, under what could have been (and under most circumstances in Hollywood would have been) nerve-wracking conditions. But was the exact opposite. And what very little I do know of him -- which I haven't heard contradicted over the years (and putting aside all the great work he did for half a century) -- is that when our paths did cross, he was an extremely friendly, thoughtful, funny, interesting, involving, good man. Who brought a great deal of joy to the world. That will last. And that's the story he gets today.  As we've reached the night before Hanukkah, that means it's time for my annual tradition of my "New Tale of Hanukkah," along with the tale behind it. A New Tale for Hanukkah: The Legend Begins
Several years back, a mixed group of writer friends was discussing religion, when it veered off track a bit. "A bit" as in, someone whimsically bemoaned that Christmas got all the good colors, while Hanukkah was pretty much stuck with blue and white. I'm guessing that this wasn't the kind of debates Spinoza or Moses Maimonides ever got into. Though you never know. Another person decided to raise the holiday spirits, suggesting that since there was an actual, physical limit of primary colors in the world, and therefore nothing could be done about that at this point, perhaps instead a new fable could be created. A few days later, this second fellow and his wife came up with the Twin Dalmatians of Hanukkah, Pinkus and Mordechai. The pups scour the earth to bring hats of joy, filled with treats, to the children on the first night of Hanukkah. Pinkus, the cheerful one, would load them up with tasty goodies, while practical Mordechai with a bell on his collar would leave practical gifts, like slide-rules. The benefits of this new legend were clear to see. For one, it meant that that you could add a whole new color scheme to the Hanukkah celebration palate for displays across the land and trimmings in stores everywhere - black and white, the Dalmatian decorations! And also, Pinkus and Mordechai "pug helpers" would prance throughout shopping centers to the joy and happy laughter of those with childhood in their hearts. And of course, when you're competing with Rudolph, Frosty, the Little Drummer Boy, Scrooge, Magi, Santa, and so many more, it never hurts to have as many fables as possible to pass down through the generations. He and his wife wrote a few verses to show what he meant, and I thought an unfinished poem was no way to celebrate the season of holidays, and therefore completed it. Like all good stories of the season, this one ends with a miracle. My friend went on to create a network TV series a few years later, and then another one for a different network. So, it's good to know that poetry and warm spirit in his heart (along with a touch of lunacy in their heads) had such a positive impact on their lives. He also now has a reputation to protect and by request shall remain nameless. Since 'tis the season, then 'tis appropriate to finally bring the story out of its dusty pages where it has annually passed from glowing face to glowing face of the few lucky children to hear it told, and when a few years back on the Huffington Post I presented the new fable to the world. Okay, maybe there haven't been all that many glowing faces, and maybe it's passed Hanukkah this year (man, it came so early this year!!), but it's the holiday season and time of miracles, so anything's possible. 'Twas the night before Hanukkah, And all through the shul, Not a creature was stirring, The meshpocheh was full With latkes and brisket And kugel and more. Through the heads of the kinder Spun dreidles galore. But I in my yalmulka, And she in her wig, Settled down in our beds With warm milk (but no pig). When up on the roof I heard such a bark That I yelled "Oy, gevalt" (To the goyim that's "Hark"). And I knew with a jingle, Then a second great "woof," That jolly ol' Pinkus Was up on our roof. Though t'wasn't just Pinkus, But Mordechai too, The Hanukkah Puppies-- Those Dalmatian Jews. So I sprang to my feet And quick threw on a shmotta. And I saw our kids' hats Were now filled with a lotta: Toys and candy from Pinkus And from Mordechai, socks. And for me and the Mrs. Some bagels and lox. The dogs silently worked, As if studying Torah (Though Pinkus got playful). Mordechai lit the menorah. Then straight up the chimney Pinkus leapt from the floor. Mordechai politely went out the front door. It's hard to explain The joyous nakhes I felt As I saw the Dalmatians Go to hand out more gelt. And I heard Pinkus bark, "Kids can have all they want if." "Happy Hanukkah," said Mordechai. "And to all a Good Yontif." We interrupt the Holiday Fest currently in progress so that we my bring you this special posting. The Holiday Fest will return soon -- like this evening. This afternoon, though, we honor the State of Illinois on the 206th anniversary of it being admitted to the Union in 1818. Huzzah! In honor of it as the true birthplace of America, or at least of me, we do have music, so those of you who miss the latest installment of holiday songs at least have something to hold on to. It's the state song, "Illinois," quite an aptly-named title, I must say. It's also often know as "By Thy Rivers Gently Flowing," the song's first line, which adds a bit of grace to something otherwise more perfunctory. There's a lovely chorus that sings along, very slowly as if it was a religious hymn. For all I know, that's what they songwriters intended, rather than something to rouse the spirits -- or not. Hymn-like does make it lovely, albeit interminable. I have a feeling that it's all because of the word "Thy." When you put "Thy" in a song, people are going to sing it like a hymn. And if you give people a hymn and make it long-enough, there's a reasonable chance they'll turn it into a dirge. And that's precisely what the dirge-like version I posted in 2018 for the state's 200th birthday was. (By the way, I still have zero idea why on earth that video was titled, "Illinois, Worth Fighting For." I wasn't aware it was under attack. Not when the song was written, not in the intervening years and not now. Unless you count by people from Wisconsin driving down on tractors wearing their cheeseheads. But that usually isn't legally considered an act of war.) However, since we're now well-past the state's 200th birthday, here is a significantly shorter, 1-minute orchestral, rousing version that is played like a state's anthem should be played! And for those who want to sing along, I'll post the lyrics to the first verse below. You're welcome! By thy rivers gently flowing, Illinois, Illinois, O’er the prairies verdant growing, Illinois, Illinois, Comes an echo o’er the breeze. Rustling through the leafy trees, And its mellow tones are these, Illinois, Illinois, And its mellow tones are these, Illinois. Today, once again (and again and again...) marks the anniversary of when Agatha Christie's play The Mousetrap opened on London's West End. That was on November 25, 1952 -- 73 years ago today. It's still running, after reaching 30,000 this year on March 19! Doing the best I can to figure its current status, I believe it's now run for 30,278 performances. By way of comparison, not long ago Phantom of the Opera closed as the longest-ever running production in Broadway history. It ran for 13,981 performances, over the course of 35 years. If it hadn't closed and played for another 35 years…it still would be short of The Mousetrap. And that's only if The Mousetrap closed tomorrow. Even the longest-running show in New York, off-Broadway's musical The Fantasticks, which had a remarkable run of 42 years and 17,162 performances fell far short, just over half as long. And again, The Mousetrap is still running. I have a theory about that. At some point long ago, it stopped by just a long-running play and instead become a tourist attraction, a stop to make when in London. As a kidling, I saw The Mousetrap on a family trip to Europe in 1966, the play's 14th year. A couple years later on another family trip, I picked up a poster which I have up on my walls.  At the time, I was a little sorry that the poster had as many years as "16." Little did I know how paltry that number would be. A couple of fun tidbits about that first production in 1952. One of the actors in the play was Richard Attenborough, who of course went on to great fame as an actor (in such movies as The Great Escape and Jurassic Park), but even greater fame as a director, winning an Oscar for Gandhi. And also, when Agatha Christie signed a contract to give away the movie rights, it was under the condition that no movie of it would be made until after the play closed. That was 73 years ago. So far... (Incidentally, the producer who signed that contract was John Woolf. He went on to have a very successful career, despite this speed bump -- including winning a Best Picture Oscar for the movie musical Oliver!) If you've seen (or plan to) the 2022 movie See How They Run with Sam Rockwell, Saoirse Ronan and Adrien Brody, it's a fun, comic-murder mystery that's centered around a murder that occurs backstage during the early days of The Mousetrap. The story is totally fictional, but real details are mixed in. And the play has still never yet run on Broadway. |
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AuthorRobert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting. 
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