On his radio program the other day, dear Glenn Beck chimed in to add his insane voice to the fine group of conspiracy theorists about who killed Justice Antonin Scalia. However, his theory was a bit different than most others. ("A bit" in this case will be defined as "an unbridgeable gulf of a distance so vast that known physics don't allow a connection.)
Mr. Beck believes it was an act of God.
No, not in the sense that the phrase is used, an inexplicable event out of Man's control. No, Glenn Beck actually means it was a specific action taken by the Lord Almighty. It was God intentionally smiting down Justice Scalia as a way to frighten conservatives so much into seeing the alternative if a true conservative isn't elected president. (It should be noted that Mr. Beck is a vociferously support of Ted Cruz, to the extent that he broke down supposedly "weeping" when he gave his endorsement. But then, Glenn Beck "weeps" the same way gardeners turn on sprinklers as part of the job...)
Really. Glenn Beck says that God killed Antonin Scalia. Where is Lt. Columbo to bring out the handcuffs when you need him?
Here the radio showman is, explaining in the words of God how he believes the Supreme Being would explain it all to voters--
"I just woke the American people up. I took them out of the game show moment and woke enough of them up to say, look at how close your liberty is to being lost. You now have lost your liberty. You replace one guy, and you now have 5-4 decisions in the other direction. Just with this one guy, you've lost your liberty -- so you'd better elect somebody that's going to put somebody on (the Supreme Court) because for the next 30 years, if you don't, the Constitution as you know it... the Constitution is hanging by a thread. That thread has just been cut, and the only way that we survive now is if we have a true constitutionalist."
You want to know the really lunatic thing about this? Oh, okay, yes, of course, you know what the "really lunatic thing" about this is. That's a given. But I mean, if you strip away the certifiable craziness and religious ranting and are left with the "reasoning" behind the explanation on the assumption that anyone would try to believe this.
The really lunatic thing about this that the explanation is based on the premise that God wants someone elected who would put a "true constitutionalist" in Justice Scalia's seat on the bench.
Now, first, if a "true constitutionalist" was so deeply important to God that He would kill Antonin Scalia, then that means He, being a "true constitutionalist" Himself would want the current president to also follow the Constitution to the absolute letter of the original intent. And that means God wants President Obama to nominate a replacement now, which the Senate would vote on now -- not obstruct until after the election.
And second, if God actually felt the divine urge to kill a sitting justice just so He could add a "true constitutionalist" there...why not kill one of the liberals?? Merely keeping the status quo seems like such an incredibly inefficient and inexplicably poor use of Godly powers.
But finally -- and perhaps most of all -- if God's Plan was that He really, honestly, wanted a "true constitutionalist" in that seat on the Supreme Court...then why -- WHY in God's name didn't He just freaking leave Antonin Scalia in it??!!!!
Robert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting.
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