Elisberg Industries
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Products
    • Books
    • Movies
  • About Elisberg Industries
    • Our Corporate Board
    • Information Overstock
    • Elisberg Industries Entertainment Information
    • Elisberg Statistical Center of American Research
    • Consultancy Service
  • Contact
    • How to Find Us
  • Kudos
  • Good Things to Know
    • The BOB Page
    • Sites You Might Actually Like
Decent Quality Since 1847

Oh, So You Want to Write a Screenplay, Do You?

4/24/2013

6 Comments

 
A couple months back, I wrote the following column on the Huffington Post, and it got a surprisingly large number of comments.  (Mostly questions.)  All the better, my screenwriter friends tended to agree with the sentiments.  So, for thems who haven't seen it yet -- or want a refresher course, here it is again.

                                                                                *

The most misquoted (and completely misinterpreted) line in literature may well be, "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing."

Taken to suggest that smart people should be mistrusted and watched with a protective eye, in fact the true meaning is the direct opposite. The correct... and full... quote by Alexander Pope is:

"A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring."

The point being, of course, that if you don't learn enough, you'll miss out on the joys of the universe. The point being, if you mistakenly think you know more than you really do, it can cause serious problems later on. (The fact that most people have learned the quote incorrectly is too delicious an irony proving its case.)

So, what in the world does this have to do with wanting to write a screenplay? Well, pull up a chair close to the radio and listen. It's all about story theory - and other tall stories. After all, to start a screenplay, you need a story. And that's where it all starts at the blank page.

Once upon a time...

The world of story theory is an ancient one -- literally. In fact, among many professional writers, Aristotle's Poetics is considered the bible. You don't get much more ancient than that. Unless maybe you go back to the actual Bible.

If there is a runner-up among "writing bibles" (in case Aristotle is unable to fulfill the obligations of his crown), another might well be The Art of Dramatic Writing by Lajos Egri. There are others, but this is a good starting point.

All professional writers have their own, personal talismans that they swear by for teaching inspiration. The theories are everywhere -- even at the very end of this commentary, where you will be told the best advice on writing you will ever get. (Lesson one: this is known as a teaser.)

Everywhere, indeed. Story theory has even now proliferated to the computer world, witness the software programs that have sprung up to deal with the challenge. Among the most notable are those based on the theories of several popular writing lecturers. But where do these theoreticians fit in with the full spectrum of story theory that exists in the screenwriting world? And is there actual value in such story theorists -- whether in computer or human bean form?

Considering that this is a literary matter, it's comforting to know that some of the best teaching tools are themselves literary -- not just Aristotle and Egri, but a rich field of valuable works. Their value is in their scope: the more books on writing and story theories you read, the better-rounded your own choices have a chance to be.

(One of my own favorites is The Screenwriter Looks at the Screenwriter by William Froug. Oddly enough, this book doesn't tell you how to write. It interviews about a dozen renown screenwriters who talk about how they write and about their careers. Being great storytellers, the book is wildly entertaining. Bill Froug was the chairman of my Masters Thesis committee at UCLA - but know that I don't recommend this book because he was my teacher. It's the other way around. He was my teacher because of this book. I'd been accepted to UCLA and several other grad schools. That's when I stumbled upon this book. It was one of the reasons that happily veered me to the school.)

Happily, better-rounded is always a noble goal. The result is that serious and comprehensive writing programs have sprung up to fill the need with actual, real world teachers (as opposed to gurus or lecturers or grand wizards). Where such institutions were once the sole jurisdiction of Los Angeles, the advent of fax, e-mail and teleconferencing now allows active professionals to migrate and teach in universities and extension classes throughout the country.

(A good pal, Ian Abrams, is an accomplished screenwriter who wrote the film Undercover Blues and co-created the TV series, Early Edition. But he decided he wanted to teach, and is now in Philadelphia, at Drexel University. Similar situations abound. That said, I remain partial to Los Angeles schools since, when learning, there are daily opportunities to intern and learn the business-end first-hand. And you have access in class to writing professionals as associates and guest speakers. So, when you're done, you can have a running start.)

When it comes to teachers, though, probably the oldest (and most valued) tradition among writers is that of the mentor. From the first caveman, the concept of "passing it along" has been a badge of honor to scriveners. No doubt, some Neanderthal named Gork was having trouble getting his story point across with a drawing of a horse, until the older, wiser Montauk walked over and said, "Y'know, if you made that a herd of buffalo, the joke would work much better."

Because there has always been an interest in writing, there has always been a market for someone to try to explain it. Today, these people are often referred to as "gurus," an epithet that has as much meaning as the "Colonel" in Col. Sanders -- an honorary title bestowed to anyone in the state of Kentucky whose name begins with either a consonant or vowel.

To be certain, some professional writers do find value with these writing lecturers -- generally to refresh the skills they already have, not to learn. To those aspiring to write, it's another matter. Let's be honest, after all: reading a book and going to two-day lectures will not make someone a writer, period. If it was that easy, studio executives would hire themselves to do all the scripts.

Do writing lecturers provide a service for aspiring screenwriters? Well, it's an involved answer. And although a good place to start might seem to be "No," in truth, it's not that easy.

The problem with writing lecturers is not in what they teach -- in fact, like all theories of opinion, it's up to the individual to seek out what makes sense to him or her, and there certainly can be much of value. The problem is what results, that these lecturers have taken on the stamp of "guru," and that studio executives sit through a two-day seminar, learn the phrase "Character Arc," hear about plot twists that need to occur by page 20, and then they go back to the office believing that they suddenly know what screenwriting is, and what the template for all their studio's screenplays must be.

Y'know, that whole, "A little learning is a dangerous thing" thing. Hey, you knew I'd eventually get around to it.

(Lesson two: anyone who ever tells you that all screenplays must be a certain way, that the hero must appear by a certain page, that a plot twist must come by a certain page...is blowing smoke up your pants. And is almost certainly not a writer. In Peter Pan, the character of 'Peter Pan' doesn't even arrive for nearly 20 minutes! In The Caine Mutiny, the legendary 'Captain Queeg' - and of the great screen character ever - doesn't come aboard ship for over an half hour. In Sleepless in Seattle, the lovers don't meet until the last five minutes. In Forrest Gump, the hero doesn't change. In the Oscar-winning, Oliver! , Ron Moody got nominated as Best Actor for playing 'Fagin,' who drives the story - but doesn't even enter the movie for 45 minutes. These are, of course, exceptions, and when one is learning, it's best to stay far, far away from exceptions -- but the point is that rules for screenwriting work when they are completely, deeply, viscerally understood...and then given life to breathe and become adapted to fit the specific work.)

The problem, too, with writing lecturers is that people who have no idea how to write, go and pay for a two-day seminar and suddenly think they have now learned how to be a screenwriter. Not only have they likely wasted a great deal of money (which is their god-given right), but they'll go home, turn out heartfelt sludge and clog the already-clogged screenplay pipeline.

Yes, I know this is blunt. And I know that some people right now are rising in anger because they know they will write the next blockbuster, Titanic II, figuring out some way to raise the sunken ship and send it back to England. Well, they won't. Not because they may not have the talent (or they may), but because...Hollywood doesn't work that way. Being a professional screenwriter is really, really, really hard. And not just creatively hard, but hard from a business standpoint, as well. Is it possible to break through? Of course! But those who do, are seriously skilled, deeply trained -- and even more maniacally driven, willing to throw their entire life into the scrum and face the harrowing battle every...freaking...single...day.

This isn't meant to be arrogant or rude or holier than thou. It's meant to be honest. If you're going to play the game, you'd darn well better know the ground rules.

In fact, when you strip away everything on the fringes, at the core of story theory, it is academic how good "gurus" may be at what they teach. It's that they are viewed by executives and aspiring writers as THE answer on what screenwriting is and should be, and that two days will give you Everything You Need to Know. To be honest, this is not remotely all their fault -- although much is, because that's how most tend to market themselves.

People who lecture on story theory absolutely do have a value, make no mistake -- especially a value for those who already have some grasp how to write screenplays. But the importance and influence of such lecturers has grown so far out of proportion to the richness and diversity of writing, that regardless of how noble their intent may be, I think that they have had a very serious negative influence on movies today. When movies and TV shows must all be form-fitted into the same team's uniform, no one wins.

And there, at last, we return to the opening and Alexander Pope: when you have people studying a subject for two days thinking that they've become expert -- a little learning becomes a dangerous thing. Attending a weekend seminar on story theory will no more make one a screenwriting authority than watching a documentary on cold fusion will qualify a person to make an atom bomb. The only similarity is that both will have disastrous results.

So, what is an aspiring writer to do? So many choices, oh-so little time.

Read Aristotle. And attend an extensive writing program or college course. And always, always seek out mentors. But most of all, write. And write some more. And keep writing. Because the best way to learn about writing is by doing it.

You want to go to a seminar and spend a lot of cash money? Fine. Just do it with your eyes wide open, recognizing that what you are getting is the most cursory overview and merest of guidelines, not rules. And know that it won't turn you into Larry Gelbart (though heaven help us, we all try for that. And fail). It won't even turn you into a writer. What it may do is provide you with a lit candle to help lead you through a pitch-dark, raging storm.

And with all that said, here finally is the very best writing advice I was ever given about writing. Ready?

I was told this by the wonderful writer, Jack B. Sowards, who longtime readers will recognize I've written here at length. His credits include Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. And this advice was given to him by the celebrated writer of How the West was Won and Cape Fear, James R. Webb. (See what I meant about writers passing it along?)

One day when Sowards was starting out as a writer, he had a meeting with James Webb, who said to the young man that he was going to give him the absolute best advice about writing there was. Excited, knowing that he was about to get the wisdom of the ages, Sowards took out his pen and made sure he had plenty of paper to keep his notes. He sat up, cocked open his ears and prepared to take down everything.

Webb looked at him. And said only one word: "Finish."

That was it. That's the best advice. You can only have a story when you've finished it. Then, you can go back and make it better. But nothing happens until it's completed.

If at some point you realize the story is no good or just isn't worked, by all means listen to your good sense and stop. But when you're working on a story that's moving forward, don't keep tweaking, going back, rewriting, fixing, changing things, making revisions. That's why God created second drafts. But nothing happens until that first draft is completed.

So write. And for god's sake, finish.
6 Comments
Gordon Kent
4/24/2013 02:03:06 am

This is a great... no.... GREAT.... column. I have attended several of these seminars -- fortunately I never had to pay for them. The company I was working for insisted all it's writers and producers go and they paid. They even paid to have another guru come to the studio to lecture. In reality, they were there to sell their new book or software and only incidentally to pass on their theory of story structure so that you too could write a blockbuster movie and never have to work again!

Some successful writers have taken these seminars -- not that that is what made them successful -- even if they swear it's exactly what did the trick for them.

But where were they gurus when Citizen Kane was being written. In fact, most of the screenplays/movies that these gurus use to prove their points were written before the gurus themselves were born!....

I wonder how that happened.

best

Gordon

Reply
Robert Elisberg
4/24/2013 03:22:51 am

Gordon, thanks much for the kind words. Feel free to spread the word -- and link.

To be clear, I don't think the "gurus" never say anything valuable -- they do. But they also says many things detrimental. (ie, "Something Big Has To Happen by Page Five." "The Main Charactor Must...") More to the point -- the issue isn't whether they say anything valuable or not. It's that NO ONE can learn a profession in a two-day seminar, and far too many people are bamboozled into thinking otherwise. Story theory, story structure, dialogue, craft -- all of that takes time and experience. It's not that "no one else" can do it but the professionals. It's that if you want to do it, then you must put in the time and effort to learn it. Like any profession. And two days doesn't cut it.

Reply
Mark Smith
4/24/2013 05:51:07 am

I've read relatively few books about writing, but even the most restrictive template-driven write-by-numbers of them seem to stress that the rules of storytelling are there only so that you can be aware of when you're breaking them. If you've written a story in the heat of inspiration, only to find that it just lays there, it's helpful to go over it with some idea of what weaknesses to look for. But what you say about weekend seminars rings true, mainly because I can't get two chapters into McKee without pulling on hip waders.

Reply
Robert Elisberg
4/24/2013 06:32:10 am

Thanks for your note. Obviously, there are too many books on screenwriting to know what they all say. But the larger issue is that so many studio executives and producers have either attended "a" seminar or read "a" book by one of the gurus, and therefore think they now know what makes a proper screenplay and insist that the tight rules be followed.

Reply
Arlene Paige
4/24/2013 07:41:51 am

Thank you. I'm not the usual thing.

Though a handful of famous people have told me that they really like my screenplays, the truth is I know that I'm... sigh... wordy. I like dialogue. I believe people are dying to hear good talk, but Hollywood doesn't think so. Not ever. Not even on PBS. People like drivel and intent gazes, mostly, before some actor is drawn somehow into plot points that shouldn't happen to a dog. So I like to think that maybe I could do Oscar level remakes. But everyone hates remakes of anything but B-movie action stuff. Or movies about brilliant people... even actors doing Shakespeare, for example. But unless someone sets the soles of your feet on fire on page one ("Shakespeare in Love") no one wants to do a class act. It takes an incredible amount of newspaper advertising to sell anything like that and there's no budget for a good film.

Um... any suggestions besides trying to involve George Clooney?

Have a nice day!

Reply
Robert Elisberg
4/24/2013 10:10:00 am

Arlene, the first suggestion is to get out of the habit of thinking that "No one wants..." You can a litany of generalizations that have truth to them, but there are a lot of exceptions. And it's not that "no one likes talk," but only drivel -- but that film is a visual medium and tends to work best that way. There are exceptions, of some wonderful "talky" film, but generally stage and books are best for that.

Also, it's good for ALL writers to be wary of compliments and be able to read through the lines. For the most part, few people in Hollywood like to be critical and say something is no good. A) That means they'll make an enemy, and b) what if they're wrong! It's *how* people compliment us that's important, if they explain in detail what they liked...and why. And also what they didn't like, which makes the praise stand out. Also, I try to give material to the same people script after script, so I can balance their response compared to how they responded the time before. "I really liked it" sounds good -- but less good if the time before they said, "This is so great, it's fun and vibrant and held my interest all the way through."

For what it's worth, Marc Normand (who wrote the original draft of "Shakespeare in Love," told me that he did it as a "Fuck you, script." (His words.) He'd had so many recent rejections that he just didn't care less what anyone thought, and he was going to write the script he wanted to write. Sometimes (not always) that's a really good way to attack a project -- especially if it's a challenging one. But...it better be great.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Picture
    Elisberg Industries gets a commission if you click here before shopping on Amazon.
    Picture
    Follow @relisberg

    Author

    Robert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting. 

    Elisberg is a two-time recipient of the Lucille Ball Award for comedy screenwriting. He's written for film, TV, the stage, and two best-selling novels, is a regular columnist for the Writers Guild of America and was for
    the Huffington Post.  Among his other writing, he has a long-time column on technology (which he sometimes understands), and co-wrote a book on world travel.  As a lyricist, he is a member of ASCAP, and has contributed to numerous publications.

    Picture
           Available on Amazon

    Picture
           Available on Amazon

    Picture
           Feedspot Badge of Honor

    Archives

    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Categories

    All
    Animals
    Audio
    Audio Land
    Books
    Business
    Chicago
    Consumer Product
    Education
    Email Interview
    Entertainment
    Environment
    Fine Art
    Food
    From The Management
    Health
    History
    Huffery
    Humor
    International
    Internet
    Journalism
    Law
    Los Angeles
    Media
    Morning News Round Up
    Movies
    Music
    Musical
    Personal
    Photograph
    Piano Puzzler
    Politics
    Popular Culture
    Profiles
    Quote Of The Day
    Radio
    Religion
    Restaurants
    Science
    Sports
    Technology
    Tech Tip
    Theater
    The Writers Workbench
    Tidbits
    Travel
    Tv
    Twitter
    Video
    Videology
    Well Worth Reading
    Words-o-wisdom
    Writing

    RSS Feed

© Copyright Robert J. Elisberg 2025
Contact Us    About EI    Chicago Cubs
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Products
    • Books
    • Movies
  • About Elisberg Industries
    • Our Corporate Board
    • Information Overstock
    • Elisberg Industries Entertainment Information
    • Elisberg Statistical Center of American Research
    • Consultancy Service
  • Contact
    • How to Find Us
  • Kudos
  • Good Things to Know
    • The BOB Page
    • Sites You Might Actually Like