Just a Lot of Blattering
Three days ago, amid all the indictments and arrests of many officials of FIFA, the international soccer federation, it's longtime president Sepp Blatter blamed it all on sour grapes by the Americans.
“No one is going to tell me that it was a simple coincidence this American attack two days before the elections of FIFA. It doesn’t smell right," he told Swiss TV station RTS. "...There are signs that cannot be ignored. The Americans were the candidates for the World Cup of 2022 and they lost. The English were the candidates for 2018 and they lost, so it was really the English media and the American movement.”
Interestingly, these are almost the exact same sounds a five-year-old child makes when he has his hand literally in a cookie jar and crumbs covering his face, after his parents have told him no sweets until after dinner.
It's almost the same sound that Jimmy Cagney made in gangster movies, crying out with a contemptuous sneer, "You're never gonna get me, copper!!!!", seconds before he's riddled with bullets and splattered across the pavement.
It's the sound a drowning man makes, lost at sea. flailing his arms helplessly.
Yes, that's right, the United States Justice Department supposedly launched a lengthy investigation of the international soccer organization because they're upset they didn't get the rights to have the World Cup here.
Never mind that for most Americans, soccer is that thing moms pick up their children at after school. The thing that the rest of the world calls by the wrong name. The thing where you're required to pretentiously say "nil" instead of "zero." The thing that they can only name, at most, three Americans who have ever played the sport professionally in its history, one of whom is Mia Hamm because she does TV commercials. The thing where that female player ripped off her shirt after winning the World Cup. The thing for which that crazy Mexican announcer shouts something that sounds like , "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLL!!!"
Yes, to Sepp Blatter, hanging on by his fingertips, the reason the U.S. Justice Department indicted FIFA officials and got guilty pleas for a non-profit organization with one billion dollars in the bank is because Americans are pissed off they last out on the 2022 World Cup.
The other day, I posted a Tweet that said Sepp Blatter was just elected to a new term as president of FIFA. I said it was to run for four years, or until his prison term starts.
Yesterday came reports that Sepp Blatter's number two aide is on the verge of being indicted.
And today, Sepp Blatter has just announced he is resigning as president of FIFA.
Here's hoping he had a good enough lawyer who got him a plea deal...
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Robert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting.
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