It is with great pride, or at least an improvement on inertia, that Elisberg Industries has finally added a second member to our Corporate Board of Directors. We welcome Adam Belanoff as the Senior Executive VP of Shipping.
Thanks to a fortuitous oversight, Adam Belanoff was brought in to head the shipping division despite a lack of qualifications. The result of a small mix-up, he applied under the mistaken belief that he would be working on boats and get to spend a lot of time on cruise ships. Despite that misunderstanding, Adam has shown himself adept at management, with a skill for hiring people below him who have great experience and then leaving them alone to do their job. This has allowed him to spend time away from Elisberg Industries and write on staff for such television shows as The Closer, Major Crimes, (which he insists are two different programs, but the latter is really The Closer with a paint job), Murphy Brown, Cosby and Titus, for which he famously wrote all the boat episodes, none of which got produced since the show didn’t involve seacraft. His first name is short for “Admiral.”
As a service to our shareholders, Nell Minow will be doing governance oversight on Mr. Belanoff as soon as we get her the requested papers. This might take some time. Of course, since I own the majority of voting shares, his approval has already passed, so it's a moot point regardless of what she comes up with.
If you have any issues with any of our fine products shipping to you properly, especially if it is perishable (we plan to institute a tropical fruit service), please know that you should take that up with the appropriate representative. Not Mr. Belanaoff. That's why he delegates. Also, the new season of Major Crimes is currently being written, so you probably wouldn't reach him anyway. And he asks us to mention that customers not keep asking about Cosby because, no, he doesn't know anything. "Might as well as Elisberg about O.J.," he says, "since he probably knows more about that."
Robert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting.
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