Elisberg Industries
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Products
    • Books
    • Movies
  • About Elisberg Industries
    • Our Corporate Board
    • Information Overstock
    • Elisberg Industries Entertainment Information
    • Elisberg Statistical Center of American Research
    • Consultancy Service
  • Contact
    • How to Find Us
  • Kudos
  • Good Things to Know
    • The BOB Page
    • Sites You Might Actually Like
Decent Quality Since 1847

Bureau of Complaints

6/25/2013

0 Comments

 
This morning, I received an officious looking email.  It came from Dun & Bradstreet, a very real company, and had the ominous subject line:  "FW:  Complaint -- 033322."  Well, okay, it would have been ominous if it wasn't so obviously an idiot scam.  But still...

In fairness, if I was an actual, small business, it might have seemed a bit more ominous, though even then it had far too many red flags.  But I'm not an actual, small business, any more than this was from Dun & Bradstreet.

I had my virus filters all in place and was fascinated enough to read the letter.  It said --

New Complaint : 0333222


Dun & Bradstreet has received the above-referenced complaint from one of your customers regarding their dealings with you. The details of the consumer's concern are included on the reverse. Please review this matter and advise us of your position.

In the interest of time and good customer relations, please provide the DnB with written verification of your position in this matter by June 28, 2013. Your prompt response will allow DnB to be of service to you and your customer in reaching a mutually agreeable resolution. Please inform us if you have contacted your customer directly and already resolved this matter.

Failure to promptly give attention to this matter may be reflected in the report we give to consumers about your company.

We encourage you to print this complaint (attached file), answer the questions and respond to us.

We look forward to your prompt attention to this matter.
I trimmed a few of the more pompous, legal-sounded parts, but that was the gist.  I have to admit, as far as Email Scam Letters go, that was one of the better ones I've received.  It was written in actual English with no typos.

Mind you, I knew it was a scam when it arrived, but still I did do what I always do when I receive anything even halfway questionable in email -- and I highly recommend this for everybody -- I did a search for a passage of text from the email, and yes, it came up that it's indeed a scam.  (Shocking, I know...)  The two biggest early-warning giveaways were that this was a "FW" email, and I couldn't believe for a second that a company as reputable as Dun & Bradstreet would be forwarding me anything.  They'd write a letter directly.  And second, it had the old bugaboo, an attachment.

Of course, the biggest giveaway was the first sentence, so I didn't even get past the opening line without laughing -- that one of my "customers' had a complaint "regarding their dealings" with me.

My customers.  As close as I could figure, that would be...well, you reading this. 

As a freelance writer, I work with clients.  I really don't have all that many, what I even remotely consider, "customers."   Mind you, it could have been from a couple of producers I'm dealing with on a film project -- but producers would no sooner refer to themselves as "customers" than Saddam Hussein would consider himself alive.  Grand Poobah or Lord and Master would be more likely.  But beyond that, I knew it couldn't be from a producer because that would mean they were writing back about something.  About anything.  Getting a response from producer (including a note, "How as your day?!") without six attempts first is proof of forgery.

It also could have been from a reader of my Hufferies on the Huffington Post, though I thought that that was unlikely, since public complaints are posted there openly for all to easily see.  From experience, I know that if anyone of my "customers" there has a complaint about what I wrote, they have absolutely no problem expressing it.  Indeed, they relish the public platform.

So, that leaves the fine readers of these pages.  There is a "Comment" button here, too,, but the software doesn't post them directly, and instead leaves them under a separate Comment page that has to be clicked on.  (In fact, if there were actual complaints from "customers" here, I'd more figure that it was about that to the software developer...)

Now, I do know that there can be complaints from my customers here.  Maybe the cheese dip in the refrigerator wasn't their favorite.  Maybe I wrote something that struck someone as insane.  Maybe they didn't want to hear yet another version of the song, "Hello, Dolly!"  But given that I don't consider people coming to the pages of Elisberg Industries as "customers," but rather fine, noble, intelligent, warm-hearted and decent cream of the earth, I just couldn't wrap my mind around the "customer" concept.  And also, since everything here is free, I figured, "Hey, if someone actually does have a complaint, screw 'im."  (Well, okay, no, I didn't actually think that.  What I thought was -- "If someone actually has a complaint, that's why God created the Comment button.  And the fine, noble, warm-hearted and smart people here know that.")

So, yes, obviously, of course, this email was nothing but a scam.  It was clear from the "ding" that new email had arrived.

But on the off-chance that any of the "customers" here have a complaint, please hand it to Ms. Gsalava seated at the front desk.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Picture
    Elisberg Industries gets a commission if you click here before shopping on Amazon.
    Picture
    Follow @relisberg

    Author

    Robert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting. 

    Elisberg is a two-time recipient of the Lucille Ball Award for comedy screenwriting. He's written for film, TV, the stage, and two best-selling novels, is a regular columnist for the Writers Guild of America and was for
    the Huffington Post.  Among his other writing, he has a long-time column on technology (which he sometimes understands), and co-wrote a book on world travel.  As a lyricist, he is a member of ASCAP, and has contributed to numerous publications.

    Picture
           Available on Amazon

    Picture
           Available on Amazon

    Picture
           Feedspot Badge of Honor

    Archives

    June 2025
    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Categories

    All
    Animals
    Audio
    Audio Land
    Books
    Business
    Chicago
    Consumer Product
    Education
    Email Interview
    Entertainment
    Environment
    Fine Art
    Food
    From The Management
    Health
    History
    Huffery
    Humor
    International
    Internet
    Journalism
    Law
    Los Angeles
    Media
    Morning News Round Up
    Movies
    Music
    Musical
    Personal
    Photograph
    Piano Puzzler
    Politics
    Popular Culture
    Profiles
    Quote Of The Day
    Radio
    Religion
    Restaurants
    Science
    Sports
    Technology
    Tech Tip
    Theater
    The Writers Workbench
    Tidbits
    Travel
    Tv
    Twitter
    Video
    Videology
    Well Worth Reading
    Words-o-wisdom
    Writing

    RSS Feed

© Copyright Robert J. Elisberg 2025
Contact Us    About EI    Chicago Cubs
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Products
    • Books
    • Movies
  • About Elisberg Industries
    • Our Corporate Board
    • Information Overstock
    • Elisberg Industries Entertainment Information
    • Elisberg Statistical Center of American Research
    • Consultancy Service
  • Contact
    • How to Find Us
  • Kudos
  • Good Things to Know
    • The BOB Page
    • Sites You Might Actually Like