One of our intrepid, quick-eyed readers, Carolyn, brought to my attention that the pontifical Rev. Pat Robertson did indeed speak out on God's involvement with the horrific tornado in Oklahoma, just as I had wondered about him doing yesterday.
The thing is, he didn't exactly blame sinners in Oklahoma and God's wrath. That would have been tough for the reverend. After all, this is Oklahoma, the heart of the Bible Belt. Surely there can't be sinners there. Sinners only exist on the Eastern Seaboard and in New Orleans with all those black people. So, Mr. Robertson was caught in a tough dilemma.
O what is a man of the cloth to do?
Waffle. Punt. Razzle dazzle.
The most-holy reverend didn't blame God (no, no, it wasn't His fault, God forbid) but he did what any reasonable, cold-hearted thug would do. He blamed the victims. Speaking on his 700 Club, Mr. Robertson said, "If enough people were praying He would’ve intervened, you could pray, Jesus stilled the storm, you can still storms."
Honest. He said that. This isn't The Onion.
I mean, seriously now, does Pat Robertson think that as the hellish tornado was nearing the town, and starting to ravage it, people in Oklahoma City weren't praying to holy heaven??! If you can still storms by praying, why didn't Jesus stop it then, according to Mr. Robertson?! There isn't a time-stamp on prayers to the Lord, is there?
Besides, if prayer alone can still a storm, why can't it still Pat Robertson from yammering? I can tell you from experience that it doesn't work.
But the thing is, that's not the worst, stupidest, most insane thing he said. If you're one of those who reads this standing up (hey, maybe you've got a tablet and are walking), sit down first. What Pat Robertson also said was --
“Why did you build houses where tornadoes were apt to happen?”
Again, not The Onion.
At least we know why Pat Robertson considers himself a Man of God, and not a Man of Real Estate. Then again, whenever he opens his mouth -- especially with gut-wrenching burbling like this, I'm not sure why he considers himself a Man of God. Or why anyone does.
Where tornadoes were apt to happen?? Apt to happen?! You mean, like throughout the Midwest? Tornadoes
are caused when warm, humid air mixes with cold, dry air. and is blocked in. That's why "Tornado Alley" is between the Gulf of Mexico and the Rocky Mountains, contained by air masses from the eastern United States.
And Oklahoma is smack in the middle of Tornado Alley.
By the way, there's something else in this same area overlapping that goes by another name. It's called the aforementioned "Bible Belt." So, why do people live in the Bible Belt is really what the Reverend Pat Robertson is asking. After all, that's where tornadoes are "apt to happen."
Well, all right, we also now know why Pat Robertson doesn't consider himself a Man of Meteorology.
Just to be clear, though, about one other thing here: since Mr. Robertson wonders why houses were built in the path of a gigantic tornado -- understand that it wasn't that this massive, unearthly killer tornado cut through a narrow path of high property value. where the poor, foolish victims built their homes. It wiped out much of the whole town of Oklahoma City.
So, in other words, Pat Robertson is not only asking why people live in the Bible Belt, but he is specifically asking, "Why do people live in Oklahoma City?"
Now, yes, comedians might have asked that at other times. But it's not the point here. Oklahoma City is the capital of the state. People live there because they love Oklahoma, and this is the seat of government.
One thing we do know, however. The destructive tornado is not the only mass of hellish hot air crushing the people of Oklahoma City.
An ill wind blows from Pat Robertson. Again. And again.
Robert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting.
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