I swear this is true.
This is not from The Onion. This is not a parody, comedy piece. This is not a long-lost story by James Thurber. It is not some supposedly-real material that is floating around the Internet that people insist is real.
This was sent to me the other day by a good friend who received it as a dead-serious email from his apartment building's manager. He's told me about his manager in the past, so this fits all those tales to a T, just more so. When I called him up getting after this, he was still laughing about it and telling me the backstory to all the details in it. (In fact, he sent me a follow-up from the manager a couple days ago. It was funny, but nothing compared to this masterpiece.) In the annals of notes from an apartment building's manager, this is Shakespearean.
Not that I want to oversell it, mind you. But it's that fun. And I want to impress upon you that it's actually worth it to keep reading. I'm sure not everyone will appreciate it as I did. But I feel confident that most people will at least thoroughly enjoy the ride.
When I received the note, it clearly was a bit long so I didn't plan on reading the whole thing, but just figured I would read the first point, and then skim the rest quickly. That first point was whimsical but fairly straightforward, so I started to skim. But what I found was so entertaining that I went back to point #2 to see what I had missed and started again from scratch. As I kept kept reading and then laughing more as it went on, I ultimately got pulled along to the end. Which is what you want from any fine literature.
This is exactly as I received it. Mistakes and all. The only things I've changed were any names. Everything else is the same. And it is all true.
Happy Holidays to all and wish you a great season & year full of joy & happiness.
Kindly note the following:
Robert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting.
Feedspot Badge of Honor