For all the range off horrible news last week with mass killings, police killings of unarmed blacks, spikes in cases of COVID-19 because too many people think it's either not real or that the pandemic is over -- along with the good news of the Derek Chauvin verdict and vaccinations passing the 200 million mark -- I think this story (which is idiotic in many ways) was probably my favorite of the week. You likely read about it. It was the story of guy who was on the Bumble dating site -- and the Bumble name couldn't be more perfect for this story -- and trying to hook up with a woman. All well-and-good, fair enough, except that he was using the tried-and-true, suave technique of bragging how he had been involved in the insurrection of the U.S. Capitol on January 6. Apparently, he thought this was going to make his deeply attractive. What I loved was her pithy response -- "We are not a match." But what I loved more was that she then turned the guy into the FBI. And he was arrested. I don't know if the Bumble dating site charges to browse around, but if that guy makes a claim for a refund, I hope Bumble Customer Service points to their User Agreement that says "No money back in case of insurrection." By the way, what I love so much about the story is not just the lunacy of it all and the great "third act" surprise twist comeuppance, but that it also speaks to something political, as well. We hear about the sub-genre of dating known as Terrible Dating Stories. This clown didn't even get as far as going on the first date, and he may qualify for the Hall of Fame. (I was going to call him a "poor sap," but you don't get to qualify as something as sympathetic as a poor sap when your problems are caused by a seditious act trying to overthrow the U.S. government.) People try to top one another with their tales of Terrible Dating woe. And even though he didn't even officially get on a first date, I think he may nonetheless qualify as Mr. Bumble. I suppose there are some women who is pick-up light might have been something that got them all hot. The thing is, though, it's still probably a good idea to sense out your intended first and see if maybe she's on the same page with you about the whole "traitor thing." The best I can figure is something I referenced about there being a political element to this all in the far-right mindset behind the story: that anyone who was involved in the insurrection was SO self-centered and self-righteous about their actions to go to Washington, D.C., and actually break into the U.S. Capitol that it perhaps didn't even occur to them -- or still doesn't now -- that they didn't anything wrong, that Trump was telling the truth, that the election really was stolen by dead South American drug lords, that "Q" has said it will all work out with Democrats arrested and Trump re-ascending to the White House, and that everyone must agree with those who stormed the Capitol that it was a great thing to do! But still, as a pick-up line? Whether knowing or totally unaware that it's a serious federal crime? I was going to say, "Has he not watched the news about all the arrests??" -- but then I realized someone who would think the election was actually stolen and goes to Washington to overthrow the government probably doesn't spend much time watching "main stream media." Or pay much attention to news, period. And so the end result is that you go on the Bumble dating site, brag about your insurrection, get shut down, and then turned in to the FBI and arrested. Sometimes in life, there is a whimsy that plays out much too perfectly. And this is one of them. Because not only does the name fit to a T, but the title of the song and some of the words do, too. (It's from the stage version of Oliver!, but was cut from the movie.) It's sung by Hope Jackman as 'Widow Corney' who is being seduced by Willoughby Goddard as Mr....oh, you know.
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AuthorRobert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting. Feedspot Badge of Honor
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