Apology 101

Nell Minow, my partner in the Apology Institute of America, sent me an article about the apology made by Tom Hill, the CEO and co-owner of Engineered Structures, Inc. -- a major construction management company in Idaho -- after making a Nazi salute at the firm's "State of the Company" last week.  She asked my thoughts and the ratings I'd give his apology for our records.

My first response, before giving a rating, was immediately thinking, "What CEO gives a Nazi salute at his 'State of the Company' event?  Unless maybe you're Josef Goebbels.  What on earth was he thinking???  Assuming 'thought' was part of the process."

Among Mr. Hill's immediate comments to the press were calling the action his “attempt at humor and parody” and claimed that he was mimicking Trump and Elon Musk’s “signature dancing.” Hill also told the press that people “will hate me” for being a “Christian, Republican, a patriot,” but added that “I wish they would be honest about why they choose to hate me.”

In reading his initial statement, I would suggest that what he said right after the event doesn’t even qualify as an apology, so it almost doesn’t deserve a rating.  But since we are a rating service, it gets an F-.

It also answers his own comment, “I wish they would be honest about why they choose to hate me.”  Well, that’s easy -- it’s honestly because you’re the kind of guy who gives the Nazi salute.  Further, just in case you need more reasons, you think this is an act of American patriotism and want to believe that mimicking a symbol of gassing to death six million Jews and an effort to take over the world domination was an attempt at humor.  This is another reason, too, why it's a good thing some people go into construction management and not comedy.

The thing is, though, I noticed that there were links embedded in the news story.  And so, I decided to click through and found the letter to his company several with a much more detailed apology that he offered days later, after he officially resigned. 

On the one hand, the letter said many things that were proper for a good apology and acknowledged that his original response "fell short" and "I realize it was defensive".  On the other hand, its main part with the apology read like it was written by a lawyer and came days after the fact.  Moreover, he still contended his Nazi salute was merely an attempt at a “comment” on today’s turbulent politics -- without explaining what that commentary actually was (and without recognizing that it’s the comfort that people like himself feel to give a Nazi salute which is at the very core of the turbulence in today’s politics).

But then I noticed something else -- other embedded links.  So, I clicked through even further, and found what was his actual, official resignation letter which was posted on the company’s LinkedIn page a day before this letter to the company, a letter that now turns out to have been a third attempt to apologize. 

In his resignation letter (his second try), he doesn’t say any of the more apologetic things in his third go at it.  Instead, he wrote that “While my behavior was never intended to promote hatred or extremist views…” (without explaining what in the world it was intended to promote…) – “…I recognize that it has rightfully generated intense backlash and has overshadowed the mission of our company.”

In other words, in his official resignation, it’s just the "backlash" that’s the problem, because without the overshadowing backlash, he’d have had no reason to resign.  So, it’s really sort of the fault of others for reacting so badly to his Nazi salute.  And he’s not resigning because he did something so deeply reprehensible and almost-inexplicably thoughtless, but only because it got in the way of the company's mission.  Otherwise, he probably wouldn’t have had to resign or even apologize.

To be fair, in that second letter (the resignation letter), he does apologize and take full responsibility for his actions (a very good and always important thing to say, though who else would anyone think is responsible?), and will learn from his mistake.  So, good for that.  But he follows that immediately by saying, “I remain deeply regretful for what this incident has created” -- but to be clear, the only thing the incident “created” was anger at him and his resignation.  So, he’s leaving out any regret for making one of the most hate-filled gestures in human history and his utter stupidity and irresponsibility at not realizing this about the Nazi salute -- something almost unbelievable for any adult, especially one in a position of leadership whose decisions direct the company he heads.

So, it’s hard to know what apology to rate, since there are three, each delivered at different times.

His initial “apology” is largely unratable, but it must be rated, so we’ll give it an F-.

His third, long apology, has much in it that’s good, though the problem is that it comes after two attempts (which raises question of its sincerity and authorship) and still tries to dilute the egregious thoughtlessness and reprehensible action as mere “comment” on today’s politics.  Had it been his second apology that accompanied his resignation, it would probably get a C-.  But as a third try, it gets downgraded.  So, it’s a D+.

His actual resignation with his second attempt at apologizing and his first official try at apologizing is a D-.

Mr. Hill does get credit for acknowledging that he really did make a Nazi salute, something Elon Musk never has done.  But good and important as acknowledgement is for any apology -- and also didn't fall back on the old chestnut "If I offended anyone" (which would have been hard to do since there was clearly no "if" about it, which led to his resigning), it's still only the first step that leads into the actual apology.

And ultimately, that's the thing.  Making a Nazi salute is one of the most basic actions for requiring an apology.  And as a result, it's also in many of the easiest apologies to make.  Since it starts with, "What in the world was I thinking??!!  I am so deeply sorry.  It was so incredibly wrong and so idiotically stupid and so hurtful.  I will not do that again."  And although saying more in explanation of your understanding would be good, if you just stopped there, you would be far ahead of the game.