We'll Be Back in 60 Seconds

When most presidents leave office they have a challenge what they're going to do and how they will manage their time, whether or not they're going to set up foundations or what? Trump has no such decisions to make. I'm sure he's already been contacted and signed contracts.

"Hi, you know me. I'm Donald Trump, your favorite president. Elected three times. But although I'm not in office anymore, my days are still busy. Believe me, eighteen holes of golf takes a lot of time. And many people say, 'Sir, you're one of the best golfers we've ever seen.' That's why I won 34 club championships. So, I've played on a lot of courses. And I've built a lot of courses, all around the world. So, I know grass. I'm very good at grass.

"That's why I know Scott's Miracle-Gro is the best fertilizer you can buy. It'll make your lawn almost as beautiful as my courses. No one's grass can be as beautiful as mine -- many people say mine is the best -- but yours will be the envy of your neighborhood. And it doesn't get better than that. All because Scott makes great products, and they're a great company, they gave my campaign a million dollars, so I know them very well. And they love Trump. And I love them. And I really love their Miracle-Gro. It just works. And believe me, I know fertilizer. I know fertilizer better than anyone in the world. Many people say, 'Sir, when I think of fertilizer, I think of Trump.'

"And when you see how green your lawn becomes when you use Scott's Miracle-Gro -- which I think they should call 'Trump's Scott's Miracle-Gro, to be honest -- you're going to want to show it off to your neighbors all the time and have parties in your front yard, so everyone can see you enjoying it. And enjoying your meal -- like when you serve delicious Goya refried beans. Goya, the most honored name in Mexican food. If it's Goya, you know it's good, boya. George Washington served Goya refried beans to his troops at Gettysburg. Goya products are the one thing from Mexico I'm always happy to have in my home. They gave my campaign a million dollars, so I know them well.

"Just be sure to take care of your beautiful lawn when you throw your party, because you don't want a parade of people trampling over your beautiful grass, so beautiful thanks to Scott's Miracle-Gro. which is why you might want to product it by building a path and patio with magnificent granite, and the best is from MSI Surfaces. It will last you hundreds of years. You'll love it then, as much as you love it now. And I know granite. Many people say, 'Sir, you know granite better than anyone.'

So, it will be a great party, thanks to your Scott's Miracle-Gro fertilizer, your Goya food products and your MSI Surfaces granite. I endorse them all. You can take it from me, Donald Trump, your favorite person in the history of the world. My word is unimpeachable. And to make your party the best party ever, you'll want a swimming pool for everyone to take a dip in! I recommend Green Water Solutions. There's no one better. Believe me. And I own resorts all over the world. I know pools. Believe me. Believe me.

"Just watch out for vandals."