Every once in a while, the management here wants to remind people of our lovely gift shop. Why is beyond me, because we always seem to be out of stock of most of the items, like Elisberg Industry official mugs, hoodies (which research shows the ladies seem to like), football helmets, and commemorative coins. However, we do have a supply of the novel A Christmas Carol 2: The Return of Scrooge, which Amazon is graciously storing for us, since our own warehouse is inundated with an oversupply of company stationery that has our corporate name misspelled. ("Elsibury Industories.)
Our invoice records show that the paperback is only $6.95, and the Kindle ebook is just $2.99. But that must be a mistake. Who would ever foolishly sells books that low? Though it's probably the same guy who keeps forgetting to stock our gift shop.
We're also wondering why we're supposed to be selling a book about Christmas two months after the holiday -- when it's hit 80-degrees in Los Angeles. But management's memo says, "If something is funny, it's funny, for God's sake. Whatever the freaking month. You think if you watched A Christmas Story in July you wouldn't laugh?" Mind you, we can't vouch for the quality of the text, since no one here has read it, though it does have lovely cover art, which seems to be at least worth $6.95, let alone $2.99, if that's actually what it's selling for.
The memo includes one other admonition from management. We quote it, so as to get their words right, and not get in trouble for screwing around with anything, or having the legal department take us to court. They say --
"If anyone has already read the book, but not yet written a Customer Review on Amazon, it would be appreciated if you do so. Hopefully you won't give it just one star, but if you do, that's between you and your God. All religions are honored. If you're an atheist, then your decision is between you and your rock."
Robert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting.
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