From the Management

Exciting news.  And why is this news different from all other news?  Elisberg Industries has its first corporate officer addition ever since our hiring freeze.  We happily welcome Rabbi Jack Moline.  To find out more against His Eminence, or whatever you call him, check out "Our Corporate Board."

We thought of sending out white smoke from our factory chimneys, but local environmental laws made that prohibitive.

Money has been shifted between divisions to allow for bringing in Rabbi Moline.  We think we got it right, but it's possible that sloppy bookkeeping might mean the electricity could go out on occasion.  (We'd normally send out emails, but if the electricity is out...well, that's why we're telling you in advance.  By the way, this advice came from Rabbi Moline, so he's already started to justify his hiring!)

Jack Moline and I had a comedy radio show in high school, and for a class project at Northwestern University about "What Makes People Laugh?", he hit me in the face with a pie.  (I will refrain from saying that he is therefore the most pie-ous spiritual leader I know.)  Some might think that nepotism had something to do with his hiring.  This would only be partly true.  The other part is explained in his bio.  Besides, any rabbi who gets quoted in Rolling Stone magazine has a leg up on the competition, and the job is his to lose.