Bobbing for Medals
We watch the Olympics all day so that you don’t have to.
As I’ve mentioned, I like watching the Tour de France, even though I don’t understand most of the rules. And the same holds for cycling in the Olympics. But cross-country cycling was great fun, watching the riders go up hills, down crevices and through forests. And I’ve always loved the team cycling always held in a velodrome. The rules are much more palatable and even though it’s sometimes a bit hard keeping track of how much someone is ahead by, it’s pretty basic, a touch offbeat, really fast and fun.
There was a remarkable race in a heat for the women’s 1500 meters. Sifan Hassan of The Netherlands is trying to be the first person to win the 1500, 5000 and 10,000-meter races. In her 1500-meter heat, on the last lap, however, she got caught in a pile-up and fell to the track. But she got back up, and not only was able to continue and quality – she won the heat! The downside is that it used up a lot of energy, and she’s racing in the evening in the 5000-meter, but still – it was seriously impressive. Here’s the race, but if you want to jump directly to the crash and last lap, it starts around the 3-minute mark. She’s taking it easy near the back, wearing an orange top and blue shorts.
Again, the owner of the video doesn't allow it to be embedded here, but you can just click on the link below, and it will take you do it in YouTube.
I don’t generally watch the horse events, but I did check out the equestrian jumping because, well, okay, I’ll admit it, I wanted to see Jessica Springsteen. And it turned out that it was just the team jumping event, so that was about 20 minutes of my life that could have been spent a touch more interestingly on a different Olympic channel.
So, later, the individual horse jumping event took place. I watched for another 15 minutes before it appeared that they were just showing the leaders. So…well, yeah, that’s 35 minutes of my life spent with the horses. To be clear, horsey events may not be my cup o’ tea, but it’s watchable. The issue is that the main athlete is an animal that doesn’t know it’s in the Olympics or competing for anything. But it gets points because it’s the only Olympic event where men and women compete against one another. Because the main athlete is the horse.
But did I give up? No, I did not. Because later there was still more individual jumping, so I figured I’d give it one more shot. Because you deserve no less – and because, hey, it’s the Olympics, I’m watching most everything, it's what I do, so why not? However, I figured it was the finals, so there was no chance. But…there she was! Jessica Springsteen. I have absolutely no idea how Horse World determines what event is what, because I'm totally confused at this point, but this was either some different individual event, or more preliminaries -- or who knows what? The only thing I knew for sure is that this was to determine who would be competing in the finals. Ms. Springsteen did extremely well – but had one fault near the very end, which likely will knock her out of the finals, though she will still likely be competing in the team event…whatever in the world that is. And because I don’t know if NBC will be posting her run, I recorded it off the TV because I figured that some people would want to see it here, without having to go through 45 minutes of watching the horsies – so, here it is.
By the way, one thing I learned from watching that much equestrian is that the horse world take themselves incredibly seriously. The expert analyst on this coverage was deadly serious, without a hint of a sense of humor. Even when the sportscaster would try occasionally to be even just a touch light-hearted, the horse expert didn’t seem to get it, or did but just dismissed it. This was Important.
I don’t care if they call it “table tennis.” It’s ping pong.
When I switched the channel, I saw two women in bathing suits whose faces were greased up like circus clowns, and I immediately was sure that meant I’d stumbled on pairs synchronized swimming. And sure enough it was – except that they’re trying to cover over the idiocy of the event by now calling it “Artistic Swimming.” Sorry, it’s Synchronized Swimming, and no matter how much greasepaint you lather on it, it’s still Synchronized Swimming. Calling it “Artistic” doesn’t make it better – in fact, it makes it worse, since artistry is for the theater stage. In fact, on the official NBC Olympics website, they have a link to a story that the USA pairs team “Perform a dazzling routine.” When you describe something as “performing a dazzling routine,” that’s show biz. That’s not sports. When Mike Trout makes a great catch in center field, he didn’t “perform a dazzling routine.” When Tom Brady completes a long touchdown after almost being tackled, he didn’t “perform a dazzling routine.” But when a couple of amazing jugglers appear on the vaudeville stage…they perform a dazzling routine! Whatever you call it, artistic swimming, synchronized swimming or sink-R-swim, it’s the same froufrou tripe, a rose by any other name. And no matter how talented, athletic or pretty, it doesn’t belong in the Olympics. It belongs in a sequel to Esther Williams movies, coming up out of the water with sparklers on their heads. Directed by Busby Berkeley.
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