Back to the Bushes
We’re going to take another respite from the hell circus that is the Trump administration, and bring up a very distant Golden Oldie that actually has a connection to a very funny stunt that Last Week Tonight with John Oliver is in the midst of.
A few weeks back, Oliver and the show did a wonderful “secondary” story about how goofy and fun minor league baseball is, and how lunatic many team names and mascots are. Though some are quite staid, either taking on the names of their affiliated Major League teams, or just standard tributes to local conditions. Oliver thought that some of the latter could use the help of his show, and so he made an offer that any team that was interested in being rebranded by Last Week Tonight, they should apply.
“We are willing to use all our resources and stupidity to give one Minor League Baseball team a total rebrand,” he said. “We will give you a new team name. A new mascot. We will even throw you a theme night. It will be personalized and it will be bespoke.”
There was only one proviso. “You can’t ask us any questions, give us any notes and you have to do what we come up with.”
(Unfortunately, the show almost never posts its “secondary” stories online. So, my description here is the best I can do.)
Last Sunday, he did a follow-up about how inundated they were by 47 applications, many sending in videotaped pleased to make their case. It even got covered by a lot of local media. Here’s WHNT News 19 in Alabama. (And happily, they include a brief clip from Oliver’s piece, so you can at least get a sense of it) –
By the way, Oliver played this news clip on the show, and noted that the Trash Pandas would not be selected -- because their name and mascot was too magnificently outrageous to require a rebranding.
The winning team was the Erie Seawolves, a Double-A affiliate of the Detroit Tigers. “They wrote to us with a list of 11 good reasons to pick them,” Oliver explained” -- one of which was ‘The SeaWolves play baseball nowhere near the sea.’ That’s a problem, Erie. We can help you fix that.”
I loved the original segment and the whole problem for many reasons, but most especially because I not only love minor league baseball, but over 30 years ago, I wrote a travel story for the Los Angeles Daily News about taking a weekend road trip and visiting three minor league teams within driving distance of Los Angeles.
I thought it would be proper to repost the article, just for the fun of it. And to show my kinship to Oliver’s whole promotion.
A few notes first.
The three teams were in the California League, which is Single-A, the lowest of the full-season minor leagues. (There’s also the Rookie League, but that’s only a half-season.)
The article was published on July 12, 1992. None of the three teams in the story are still in operation. Minor league teams get sold a lot and move quite often – often to be closer to where the affiliated Major League teams are. But sometimes to an area that might have a bigger market. (Happily, several other California League teams I’ve been to are still around, including one close to Los Angeles, the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes. Unfortunately, corporate dynamics have pushed out the brilliant name of its stadium, perhaps the best I've come across in any sport, which was “the Epicenter.” Now, it’s merely the boring LoanMart Field.)
I’ve also edited the article a very little bit. This was written for the travel section of the Daily News, and so I’ve cut out a great deal of the material that was highly travel oriented (and that also is very out-of-date) – like motels to stay at, restaurants and directions.
But the point of it all, the joy and fun of minor league baseball, should still be there.
Weekend L.A.:
Life in the Bushes
by
Robert J. Elisberg
July 12, 1992
It was the Opening Game of the season for the minor league Palm Springs Angels, and fans began lining up early. The ballclub was holding a unique and wonderfully goofy promotion.
The first 1,000 people to the park received baseballs and were invited down to the field to all throw out the first pitch. To one catcher. With the massed fans circled around the infield dirt, the field announcer prepared for the moment -- and, at the count of three, the horsehide missiles flew through the air and rained down on the hapless catcher (appropriately named Tom Dodge), who quickly sized up his predicament, covered his head and bounded off for the safety of the dugout.
Ladies and gentlemen, the minor league baseball season is officially open.
Remarkably, this sort of inspired lunacy is par for the course in the minors. And, in one of the best-kept secrets in Southern California, there are actually three minor league teams within easy 2-hour driving distance of Los Angeles.
And when combined with Joshua Tree National Monument, the three ballparks make quite a unique and adventurous weekend tour from L.A.
The Palm Springs Angels, San Bernadino Spirit and High Desert (Victorville) Mavericks are all members of the California League, which is a Class-A division of the minor leagues -- also known as the bush leagues -- the lowest level of play.
What makes such a Minor League Tour so much a treat, even for families with non-baseball fans, is that the minors are a world of their own. A minor league game is somewhat akin to a company picnic: promotions, gimmicks, sack races, giveaway prizes and outdoor barbecuing.
Moreover, this trip through the bushes is exceedingly comfortable on the pocketbook. Tickets range from only $2 to $4.50 (and you'll sit far closer to the field than you could even dream about at Dodger Stadium), and the wide variety of food starts at just $1 each for hot dogs or a small soft drink, and $2 for a beer.
The High Desert Mavericks are actually just outside Victorville, in the small town of Adelanto, 100 miles out of Los Angeles. Heading east on I-10, you turn north on I-15 and then exit onto US-395, north. Adelanto Road will soon fork off to the right, and the ballpark is only 150 yards down the road.
Last year, in its first season in the Victor Valley, the Mavericks (who are affiliated with the San Diego Padres) not only won the California League, they became the first team in league history to draw over 200,000 fans. "Our focus is family entertainment," comments Mavericks Vice President and General Manager Leanne Pagliai. "This team has really become the social event here. We recently had a Meet the Mavericks Night, and 1,700 people showed up."
It's easy to see why. The new ballpark is a gem. Built into a natural bowl in a rural setting, it's designed beautifully, is extremely well-lit (not always a sure bet in the minor leagues), and there isn't a bad seat in the yard. The rightfield corner has a knoll for picnic blankets, that is also an ideal place for kids to pick up a foul ball. The leftfield corner features the Hard Ball Cafe: for an extra $6, you get a meal and outdoor table service. Tables can be reserved by calling the ballclub.
Of course, it's in the realm of carnival-like stunts that minor league baseball shines. The more intentionally-stupid the better. Among the Mavs' offerings are a very strange horse race, where employees stand behind the outfield fence with cut-out stallions held up on poles and then race along the wall. The team also carries on the fine tradition of the bizarre Bat Races: contestants lean on an upright baseball bat and spin around. Then, each dizzily weaves towards a finish line.
Other promotions include a Speed Pitch, located below the stands, where everyone can throw a ball against a radar gun to win a prize.
And lest it be forgotten, there is also the game. Though the visiting Bakersfield Dodgers jumped to an early 6-0 lead, this is minor league baseball, where weird things live. Thanks to clutch hitting by hot prospect Ray McDavid, and substantial Dodger errors, the local Mavericks came back with five runs in the eighth inning to squeak by, 13-11. Yogi Berra's famous dictum, "It ain't over, 'till it's over," is never truer than in minor league baseball.
Nightly lodging shouldn't be a chore. After all, this is a "Have Overnight Bag, Will Travel" kind of trip. Most of the low-cost chains have accommodations in the area. And are particularly convenient for your next-day journey to the Palm Springs Angels.)
The most scenic way to get from Victorville to Palms Springs is by detouring through Joshua Tree National Monument, one of the unsung jewels of Southern California.
You'll have plenty of time to explore Joshua Tree and still arrive for the game. The Monument offers tremendous sights and excellent hiking at such areas as the moon-like terrain of Jumbo Rocks, Hidden Valley (where cattle rustlers once rode to escape posses) and White Tank (with a hidden crevice through Arch Rock).
For the hiking-impaired, the park can still be enjoyed from the car, driving to Keys View for a glorious overlook, taking the Geology Tour Road or stopping to wander around the Cholla Cactus Garden.
It's possible to lunch in Yucca Valley at any number of restaurants along Twentynine Palms Highway. Far better to buy picnic food at a grocery in town, so that you can dine among the splendor of the Park. Note, however, that Joshua Tree is an "unimproved" facility, so there are few creature-comforts. Most campgrounds have water, but be sure to bring in your own liquid. And remember -- this the desert. It will be hot.
The road through the Park ends south at Cottonwood Springs, where you rejoin I-10 heading west. It's a breeze to reach the Palm Springs stadium: you'll run directly into it.
The Palm Springs Angels Stadium has never been one of the great minor league parks, a bit nondescript. Most seats are partially obscured by a chain-link fence; those that aren't are off in the outfield corners. However, a new management team has given the park a much-needed facelift (poetically apropos for the area), and the palm trees and surrounding mountains provide a scenic setting, during daylight.
Recognizing its past shortcomings, director of publications Steve Pastorino states, "We've never drawn as many people as the other two teams in the area, so we've got to try a lot of different things."
And true to his word, an Angels game is now loaded to the brim with oddball stunts, starting with that outlandish First Pitch promotion on opening night.
Throughout the game, the gags continued. Contests were held to lasso a large cardboard cactus and catch water balloons, among others. And, satirizing the really-stupid electronic "dot races" which major league teams now hold on their scoreboards, the Angels had human-sized dots maniacally running around the field, chasing and tackling each other.
To top it all off, the crowd was treated to a massive Angels victory over the Salinas Spurs, 17-3. When an Angels rally knocked the Spurs pitcher out of the game, he was serenaded off by the strains of "Happy Trails to You."
For dinner, in addition to regular concessions, Angels Stadium also has two fenced-off dining areas with tables, available on a first-come basis; these cost an extra $6, and a chicken dinner is served.
If you decide to linger in Palm Springs the next morning, consider visiting the fine Desert Museum (closed on Mondays). And just west of town, on the I-10 in Cabazon, stop at Hadley's, the Disneyland of fruit stands.
Continuing on towards San Bernadino, there is an especially enjoyable side trip to Oak Glen, the apple orchard center. Though no apple picking takes place in the summer, several orchards are open, bakeries abound, and the highly-forested foothills are beautiful and sweet-smelling. It’s reached by exiting the I-10 north at Beaumont Ave., which turns into Oak Glen Rd.
The best-known orchard is Los Rios Rancho, which has a petting zoo, wine tasting showroom, bakery and huge emporium. It's closed Mondays and Tuesdays. Open all week, though, is the Oak Tree Village center, with the Mountaintown wildlife museum, extensive animal park, playground, and arts and crafts. Nearby, the Parish Pioneer Ranch has a quite exotic bird farm.
The San Bernadino Spirit ballpark, Fiscalini Field, is only about 20 miles from here. The Spirit, a farm club of the Seattle Mariners, has played at this pleasant little park for six years, where trees line behind the outfield wall, giving the place a woodsy feel.
Spirit stunts include a Speed Pitch radar gun; Pie in the Face; and Beat the Bug, when a child desperately races the team mascot around the bases.
(This often brings unexpected results. "The other night," recalls team official Tom Larson, "we had a little boy who got so excited, he forgot to turn at first base and kept running into right field. After fans started calling out proper directions, he cut directly across the infield, bypassing second base. Then, with a huge lead, he waited until the mascot showed up, so that he could hold hands with it.")
As with the other ballparks, food is dirt cheap. However, what sets eating apart here is the Cafe Spirit, located in the rightfield corner, with a barbecue grill: complete, sit-down meals such as tender ribs are a non-whopping $7.50. Entrance to the outdoor cafe costs $2. Early reservations are accepted by calling the ballclub.
When planning this Minor League Tour of the Bushes, there are three weekends when all three teams overlap in town: June 19-21, July 25-27 and August 21-23. But there are numerous weekends throughout the season when any two of the teams are in town. Tickets are available at the gate, unless there is a special promotion/giveaway at that game.
So, pack your glove. Get your pitching arm in shape. And most importantly of all, remember -- root, root, root for the home team.
You won't care if you never get back.
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