A Very Trump Hanukkah

Given that Trump didn't invite any Jewish Democrats to the White House Hanukkah party -- I'm only thankful there were any black people at the opening of the Civil Rights Museum.

But I keep thinking back to that Hanukkah party without any Jewish Democrats.  What a cool party that must have been.  Yes, I know there are Jewish Republicans, just like there are black Republicans -- though, in fairness, probably more -- but at any GOP gathering they blend in much more and therefore are far-harder to pick out and it's more a case of "Wait, I think that's one over there.  I want to ask him if knows someone who can do my taxes."

I have this image of them lighting the menorah and hearing --

"Baruch atah ammmunuman
Elo-hmuum mel-umm mnph atah
Boray haggirddle - Jared??!
Bayou mar lago hooo hoo
Buzzz lum something 
Shelly Hanukkah!!!
Merry Christmas!

And then they blow out the candles like a birthday cake.  And everyone is looking around for Jared to find out what they're supposed to do next.  And someone yells, "We should dance a hora!"  And people throw their arms up in the air and spin around a couple of times, as "White Christmas" plays -- and someone can be heard saying, "Well, it was written by a Jew, so it counts."  And another person laughs, "And it least it says they want things to be white."   And someone spots Ivanka and says, "You're a Jewess, does this go on for eight days?  What's the deal with that?"  And she hugs them and tries to sell them some clothes from her product line, telling them, "Hey, I'm Jewish, this is what 'my people' do. It's the smattah trade, or something like that." And waiters come around with trays of gin and bourbon, and you can hear the sighs of relief.  And someone sees Jared and makes a bee-line for him to shout, "Opa!!" thinking that's Hebrew and asks, "Aren't you supposed to wear one of those little beanies?"  And Trump says "This is the best, most beautiful Hanukkah party ever, the best, the best, for all my Jewish friends." And Steven Bannon lumbers over, drunk, and shouts, "Jews" and laughs and then collapses to the ground, semi-conscious.  And Trump says goodnight because he has to leave the next day for golf.  And to get out of the way when fighting over the Jerusalem embassy move breaks out.