A Flee in Your Ear

​On Trump Social yesterday, Trump posted what I can only assume he wanted people to see as hilariously sarcastic.  And while one would like to think that's all it was, what history has taught us is that so much of what Trump says when snarking at others tends to be projecting  -- if not his imminent actions, then at least his deepest wishes.  Which brings us then to today's episode of "Meet  Your Inner Trump." 

He hilariously wrote (and I feel obligated to add "hilariously" to make clear that he wants you all to think this is really a sarcastically clever put-down)  --

"The failed District Attorney of Fulton County (Atlanta), Fani Willis, insisted on a $200,000 Bond from me.  I assume, therefore, that she thought I was a 'flight' risk – I’d fly far away, maybe to Russia, Russia, Russia, share a gold domed suite with Vladimir, never to be seen or heard from again. Would I be able to take my very 'understated' airplane with the gold TRUMP affixed for all to see. Probably not, I’d be much better off flying commercial – I’m sure nobody would recognize me!"

Needless-to-say, this is like a smorgasbord of culinary delights with which to load up one’s plate in response.  So, we’ll just go down the line as we pile the delicacies high.

For starters, I completely understand why Trump hates D.A. Fani Willis and is scared out of his mind what she can do to him.  What I’m not quite sure is why he thinks calling her “failed” does anything but make him look weird and needy and...well, scared out of his mind.  After all, she’s the first local District Attorney in U.S. history to indict a former president of a felony.  Not to mention 18 others who are indicted as co-conspirators.  Far from "failing," that seems incredibly successful, as far as D.A. scorecards go.

Second, it’s fascinating to see Trump immediately jump to presuming that the $200,000 bond imposed on him was because he was a flight risk.  In all analyses of the bond that I've heard, not one expert assumed this, thinking that a former president might try to flee the country, and therefore needed a large bond to keep him in the U.S.  In fact, it would be a fair guess that if someone was actually going to flee the country – whoever they are – the fear of losing your bond (especially if it was put up by a bond bailsman) wouldn't even register on their list of concerns.  Rather, every analyst saw the bond being that high as showing how seriously the court took its admonition for Trump to not threaten witnesses, lawyers or any court officials.  But Trump’s projecting-laden mind went immediately to "fleeing the country."

(I should note that Trump does have some company in his thinking.  My friend Myles Berkowitz has long been suggesting that “If I was Trump, I would flee the country.”  In fairness, I always respond to him that if he was Trump, he wouldn’t have tried to overthrow the country.  I also noted to Myles that his go-to response for any major public figure in legal trouble is for them to flee the country.  That said, his suggestion is always that they hide in a barrel and have it sneaked aboard a fishing trawler.  This is something I’d told him is not a mode of travel Trump would ever put up with.  Among other things, he’d want his name on the barrel in ostentatious, huge letters, which defeats the whole point of hiding out.)

Third, though I’m not a legal expert, it’s my understanding that even joking about fleeing the country is generally considered a very bad idea.  Joking about anything when under indictment is usually not considered smart, since courts are not known for their great sense of humor.  You can tell this because they insist every witness swear on a Bible to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  There’s not an asterisk that says, “Although jokes are okay.”  You joke in court over a felony at your peril.  If you joke in court, it had better be something so funny that standup comics everywhere hear it and think, “Oh, man, I am going to steal that.”  Imagine how hilarious a court would take a joke like, “What, you think I’m going to hide a bomb and blow up the courthouse?!  Ha ha.”

(Disclaimer:  Decades ago, during my dark days working in movie publicity, I did once make a joke when under oath.  But it wasn't a felony case, rather a hearing for a request to block a group from trying to disrupt a movie production I was working on. After being sworn in, the outside group's attorney told me to state the job I did on the film, and I said I was the publicist.  "And what does a publicist do on a movie?", he then asked me.  I looked directly at him and replied, "It's funny, but that's the same question everyone always asks me."  He didn't smile.  In fairness to my admonition about not making jokes in court, I was also actually telling the truth...)

Fourth, my favorite of Trump’s comments here is probably his one about maybe going to Russia, Russia, Russia, and sharing a gold domed suite with Vladimir.  My belief is that Trump has badly misjudged Vladimir Putin and not grasped that perhaps the only person in the world with less loyalty to others than Trump is Putin.  If the inner Trump thinks Vladmir Putin would want to spend even one day -- let alone all his days -- living in in a gold domed suite with Trump, man, is he in for a surprise.  Trump’s sole value to Putin and Russia, Russia, Russia is one thing only:  as President of the United States.  “Fugitive from the law, wanted by Interpol” does not fall into that category.  Right now, Trump is, in the Russian expression, a "useful idiot" to Putin.  On the lam, he's a totally useless idiot to him.  Furthermore, if anything could get the world nations to unite with even harsher sanctions on Russia than already exist – and placed on Putin personally – it would be protecting a fugitive Trump.  That said, the one thing Trump did get right was when he said if he went to Russia, Russia, Russia he might never be seen or heard from again.  

TRAVEL ADVISORY:  Whatever flight options Trump chooses, the U.S. government recommends avoiding the favored air service of long-time close Putin ally, the late Yevgeny Prigozhin.

Though, finally, the funniest of Trump's ruminations may be him pondering about the best mode of travel to get there.  (Clearly, he didn’t agree with Myles’ suggestion about hiding in a barrel.)  It starts off hilarious enough showing his Trumpian insecurity dripping out of every pore by drawing attention to how “understated” his plane is, making sure you know it has gold on it and his name TRUMP (as if we didn't know it) in all capital letters.  But why he dismisses the possibility of Air Trump is the topper – after all, if he thinks using his own plane would make him too obvious, why on earth does he think that traveling commercial would be less conspicuous?   Yes, it's a "joke," and he “jokes” (NB: all Trump quips require quote marks around them) that nobody would recognize him, but – putting aside that, of course, it’s a “Trump Joke” – all jokes, real or "otherwise," need an internal logic, and the reality is that, of course, he’d be recognized, he’d need a passport and after having “joked” about fleeing the country, he now has all airports on alert.  So, ultimately, the "joke," indeed like his entire Trump Social post, is just empty yammerings of a frightened malignant narcissistic facing prison.

That said, I do apologize.  Using the words “internal logic” when writing about Trump is totally inappropriate.