I wanted to write about this last week, but too many other more notable stories cropped up, and so this got pushed back. But I can’t let it fall through the cracks because it stands out manifestly on its own. And also, because it gives new meaning to the expression “taking the test.”
If anything defines “Secretary of Defense” Pete Hegseth’s pseudo-macho cry for help, it was when he announced that the Defense Department would begin testing members of the military for testosterone. And this will include testing women. If you were The Onion, you couldn’t come up with a more satiric article. If you were a psychiatrist, you couldn’t come up with a more ideal case study.
By the way, I have a theory why Hegseth wants to test women for their testosterone. It’s because the level is so extremely low that he can swagger around after the results are reported and show how much more manly men are than the womenfolk. Sashaying around, while posturing, “In your face, girls!” Crowing, “See, this is why we should only have manly men in combat!” And preening, “We’re Number One! We’re Number One!”
What I can’t figure out is why he wants to test the testosterone of anybody.
I’m not going to get into the science of this idiocy because that only serves to distract from the lunacy of doing this test. Of doing this test?? No, of simply thinking about wanting to do this test.
Perhaps Pete Hegseth thought that if members of the military had even more testosterone – ladies included – we might finally have found an exit strategy from Trump’s Iran War.
What would be great is finding out if Mr. Hegseth was sober when this idea occurred to him. And I’m sure it was his idea, because it’s too difficult even imagining a lower staffer ever daring to bring such a loopy suggestion to a superior officer. (Though it’s great fun to imagine the scene. “Sir! I have an idea for improving the military!”) Besides which, testing men (and the gals) for testosterone screams out Pete Hegseth’s ongoing needy insecurity, drowned out only by excessive alcohol.
But through all the discussion of this, there’s been one question I’ve had that I’ve yet to hear anyone ask. And it’s one that I think demands Hegseth being asked.
If all members of the military – men and women -- are going to be tested for their level of testosterone, and since Trump is the commander-in-chief, shouldn’t he be tested, as well?
Woman. Man. Person. Camera. TV.
Sorry, sir, identifying a giraffe isn’t the right answer...
