When I saw the number of bizarre headlines over the weekend – many of which came from the Trump rally in Arizona (most of which still weren’t weird enough to even make this article, like “Trump Supporters at Arizona Rally Think the 2020 Election Will Be Redone” and the headline about a church across the street from the rally calling the police on abusive rallygoers harassing parishioners for wearing face masks) -- it was too near-impossible to pass them up. Any other weekend, any one of these would be the winner absolute worst, but this weekend the competition is much too strong.
I swear that this are all real headlines from Raw Story. Mike Lindell tells MAGA rally there will be 'no computers or machines' used in 2022 elections Just to let you know right off – no, this was not the worst headline of the weekend. So, that alone should give you an idea of what I meant by these being truly bizarre. And in fairness, Mr. MyPillow’s track record of make predictions is really horrific. (No, Trump has still not been re-installed as president again.) Making his prediction all the worse is that I truly have no idea what the incomprehensible world salad he spewed to explain himself means. "The reason I say that,” Lindell began, “is because everybody now is out there with no fear, and we all know what happened, and it's all going to get corrected, and it's been on God's timing, not our timing.” Nope, I have no clue what that means. And clearly, neither does Mike Lindell when he then added, “I will promise you this: There's not going to be any election done with any machines or any computers in 2022." Which, just to be clear, is this year, and the elections are only 10 months away, which isn’t much time for every election to completely readjust how they run elections and start from scratch at the literal level of the Founding Fathers. Of course, even if he somehow thinks that Red states throughout the South are each going to use an abacus, why on earth he thinks Blue states like California, New York, Illinois, Minnesota, Oregon and more, who accept the concept of technology, won’t be using computers or any machines at all is another matter between Mike Lindell and his God. And by the way, an abacus is a machine. So, maybe he just means using a pencil and paper. “'That really hurt my feelings': Marjorie Taylor Greene is still upset about 'Jewish space lasers'” To repeat, I swear this one is true. And against, it’s not the winner of Headline of the Weekend either! But yes, Ms. Taylor-Greene actually said this. Saying "That really hurt my feelings" is almost adorable in a whiney snowflakey-way when it comes from a virulent insurrectionist who has threatened lives of members of Congress and Democrats. Her lack of self-awareness is at a level almost never reached by members of the human species. All the more so since, in her explanation why her feelings were so hurt, she said, "That was a term I had never used in my life," after having previously written on Facebook that the space lasers were part-funded by the Rothschilds. There are two other things about her statement that are remarkably amazing – the first is that’s only bothered by the “Jewish” part (never mind the whole “Rothschild thing), but not that she said California wildfires were started by space lasers, whoever made them!! And the second is that she has feelings to hurt. “Lara Trump thinks Microsoft Word office assistant 'Clippy' is a real person spying on her documents” In fairness to Ms. Trump, who has turned being married to someone into quite a gig, she didn’t refer to the Microsoft office assistant as “Clippy,” which was its original name, but got retired years ago. But she was still reference the office assistant as if it was a real persona, and not just artificial intelligent coding that recognizes text and offers suggestions. "Someone is reading this?! And assessing what I'm writing?" she said on Fox “News”, outraged by software than can be easily turned off under the Settings option. Because it’s just software, not a real person. Worse, she compared to software to her new car that doesn’t need a key anymore, but you just push a button – she explained that the car wouldn’t start if she “didn’t jingle the keys around.” Of course, as most sane people know, that’s not how push-button starting works, since they use safety technology that requires a key fob inside the car with you, and your foot on the break, with the car in park. And yes, she’s a political analyst on Fox “News.” Which should explain a lot, right there. “Mike Lindell goes to war with his bank after they tell him to take his money elsewhere: report” It was a very bad weekend for Mr. MyPillow. Not only did he insist that no computers or machines would be used in this year’s mid-term elections, but he also said he was told by his bank that they didn't want his money and he should close all his accounts. They were concerned by FBI investigations and didn't want the "reputational damage." So, what did Mr. Lindell do? He published their phone numbers and contact information and said that people should call to complain. Because, yeah, that's just exactly what a bank wants to help his reputation. And no, none of these headlines are the best of the weekend. That’s because this is – "QAnon leader attending Arizona rally scrambles to convince followers Trump isn't a 'body double'" Yes, absolutely the best headline of the weekend. An easy winner. That’s why the others, as outlandish as bizarre as they all were, were each fighting for second place. We may have thought JFK and his son coming back to slight, so that one of them could run with Trump in 2024 was as insane as the Republican base could get. But as we learned with Trump’s own depravity, there’s no level too deep. One can only wonder what Republican officials think about all this—if it even registers with them. Which is should – because this is their base! And this is their party leader! And some of the base actually, truly thinks that the Republican Party leader is a freaking body double. You have serious problems with your party when that’s the starting point and the natural progression of your party’s various conspiracy theories. Even if it’s coming from just “some” of the base – because it was from enough of the base that it had to be addressed. And all the worse when the conspiracy leader of an anonymous conspiracy is the one who has to refute it. Or try to refute it. Because, hey, since conspiracy theories are the lifeblood of today’s GOP…maybe that was a body double. I mean, honestly, how do we know??!! So, I’m okay with this one staying alive. And that’s The Weekend in Headlines with the Republican Party. And it was hard to edit them all down to just these five.
3 Comments
Douglass Abramson
1/17/2022 03:10:26 pm
Why is Lindell beefing with banks for turning away his business? He manufacturers mattresses and pillows. From what I've heard, they aren't fit for sleep, he might as well stuff his cash into them.
Reply
John
1/19/2022 05:19:31 am
I Think most of his cash is going to his hero, the Orange$hitGoblin — which leaves him with nothing but empty threats, poisoned rhetoric and failed conspiracy theories. Even “Q” won’t sleep on his pillows!
Reply
Robert Elisberg
1/19/2022 10:48:51 pm
John, thanks for your note. Honestly, I have no idea where the money he's raised is going -- but he had plenty of money before all this. At issue is just that his bank doesn't want the hassle of holding on to it. Though after Dominion's lawsuit, whoever *is* holding it likely won't have to do so for much longer... Leave a Reply. |
AuthorRobert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting. Feedspot Badge of Honor
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