I've periodically written here about the offbeat sea adventures I've had with my cousin Jim Kaplan -- like this tale of Kaplan's Folly -- who worked in the marine industry for years. (Not to be confused with the Marines.) What I haven't mentioned is his older brother, my cousin Paul Kaplan who is a Senior Scientist at Sandia National Laboratories, where he has worked as a geologist for 34 years. His specific field is hydrogeology, which I think deals with groundwater. But this is far above my pay grade, so don't hold me to all the important details. Bear with me, there's a point to this all. Sandia National Laboratories, by the way, describes itself as "the nation’s premier science and engineering lab for national security and technology innovation." So, we're talking high-level stuff here. "Stuff" being the technical term. But even this doesn't do the story justice. That's because eventually, Paul's work came under the umbrella of NISAC, which is the National Infrastructure Simulation and Analysis Center -- which is a division of the Department of Homeland Security. So, yeah, like I said, high level...er, "stuff." That work tends to be on interdisciplinary teams which work on threats. And that's in areas like agriculture, hurricanes and things like that. Including...oh, pandemics. See, as I said if you'd just bear with me, we'd get around it more interesting things... And not just interesting, but I think entertaining. Yes, I know, "pandemic" and "entertaining" don't tend to go together too often, but once again -- bear with me. We haven't gotten to the point yet. Anyway, so, you remember in the early days of the coronavirus pandemic, when the administration was ignoring most everything that shouldn't be ignored, and had fired experts from the CDC in China only months early and cut $8.5 billion from the CDC budgets, and Trump was saying it would all go away in a few days like a "miracle." And then began blaming the Obama Administration for not leaving a stockpile of equipment for a pandemic (which they actually did, and it had been reported on by PBS at the time), and how they didn't even leave a Pandemic Playbook for dealing with pandemics. You remember all that? Well...not only did the Obama Administration, of course, leave a Pandemic Playbook and tried to discuss it all with the Trump Transition Team who ignored it, but here's the cover -- and you can also read the actual, very real Pandemic Playbook here. But that's not even the point here. Because not only did a Pandemic Playbook exist -- my cousin Paul Kaplan worked on parts of it. Now, it may not shock you to learn that Trump's ignoring the Pandemic Playbook, saying it didn't exist and there being an actual pandemic has not endeared Trump to Paul. In fairness, Trump has not endeared himself to Paul for a long while. I haven't spoken to him about Trump, but that's really because we haven't spoken for a while -- he lives in New Mexico, and our paths just haven't crossed. We stay in touch with his brother Jim as interlocutor, filling in the details. Jim has said that it's very entertaining talking to Paul about Trump, since he pretty quickly turns red and then goes off on long rants to the point where you fear for his health. But still, it was the pandemic that turned his reactions into high gear. Indeed, on his Facebook page, Paul posted a comment about the Trump administration's ignoring the work that NISAC did on the Pandemic Playbook and then doing a lousy job in its non-existent follow-up. quoting a former Trump official to support his...well, let's call it his deeply-justified displeasure. He wrote that -- "NISAC was 'really, really good' about studying the impacts of pandemics, a former Trump official said, but there’s been 'so much turnover [in the administration] that people just don’t know that [their work] exists and there’s been very poor work to catalogue and keep lessons learned.'” By the way, if anyone thinks I'm being a bit "out of school" in mentioning how much Paul is galled by Trump -- in fact, no, he is so scathing about Trump on his public Facebook page that it's like reading a wonderful comedy monologue, dripping with disdain. And -- finally -- that's the "entertaining" part I was referring to above, and it's these scathing quips that are the overall point to this all. And so, here are just some of Paul's public comments there about Trump -- White House announces that Donald Trump will be taking 3 days off next week to study for his urine test. In an attempt to tie his shoelace Donald Trump was heard to say "Who knew it was so complicated?" Trump says you can't put a price on character and that's why he doesn't have any. To give Trump credit where credit is due he is the best man to turn a crisis into a catastrophe. Trump signs executive order for the construction of a monument on the National Mall honoring the memory of the man who shot Hitler. You know you are a Trump supporter if you think your paranoia is getting worse because that's what the deep state wants you to think. Trump will kill more people in the US than any other developed nation and then brag it would have been much worse if Abraham Lincoln was president. The death of George Floyd brought America to a fork in the road. The demonstrators chose the moral path. Trump chose the psychopath. Trump said he ran into Osama bin Laden while he was talking to Jimmy Hoffa at Elvis Presley's 85th birthday party. I love when people who believe in alien DNA, a deep state run from the basement of pizza parlors, there are videos on Anthony Wiener's laptop of Susan Rice sucking the brains out of babies heads, and subscribe to the theory that a man who has told over 20,000 lies is honest try to convince you that you are the one unwilling to accept reality. If it wasn't for insanity Trump and his supporters would have no sanity at all. Trump and his supporters are much dumber than people give them credit for. Just curious, how does Trump remain standing with both feet in his mouth? I wonder if Trump and his supporters appreciate the irony of undocumented workers being ordered back to work because their jobs are essential. Something that everybody except Trump and his supporters have always understood. Grant them and their families citizenship now! White House announces the rollout of the First Lady's Pandemic Prevention Campaign. The Campaign, which will be called "Don't test, don't tell", has been funded by a generous donation from the Flat Earth Society. A liar, a crook and a racist walk into a bar. The bartender says "What will it be Mr. President?" Okay, I have to interrupt here a moment for a slight digression to Paul's postings. As you might imagine, not every one of his colleagues appreciates what Paul writes about Trump. There's one person in particular who jumps in more than others -- not too often, though -- after after this quip above about the "liar, crook and racist" walking into the bar, this colleague of Paul's wrote a reply to say -- "And follows by asking, 'How’s Hillary?'” Now, forgetting for a moment that it's a pretty weak, unfunny comment, I felt that Paul shouldn't have to stand on his own, always being alone in replying. Especially when he'd written a pretty good joke. So, I jumped in and wrote the following -- "Nothing like stepping on a joke, even if one doesn't like it, and with a 'nyah, nyah, nyah..' response. "But okay, I'll play along. So, continuing the joke -- "'To which Trump answers, 'She says she's great. The media says she's great. And all the intelligence services say she's great. But Vladimir says she has a cold, so I sent her a roll of paper towels.'" Anyway, I just wanted to note how wonderful and often funny Paul's comments about Trump are, and how bizarre and equally wonderful it is that an accomplished scientist who participated in writing the Obama Administration's Pandemic Playbook was the one doing to. And all the better that it's my cousin. Even if we haven't had sailing misadventures, like I do with Jim. By the way, Paul Kaplan's Facebook book is filled with far more similar Trump Comments than the few here, and I'm sure many more are to come. Plus, there's actually other good information there, as well. So, if you want to check it out, I highly recommend it, which you can find here.
2 Comments
Paul Kaplan
10/21/2020 12:12:20 pm
I have a new goal in life. To be one of the scriptwriters in the next Borat move.
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Robert Elisberg
10/21/2020 12:22:31 pm
Given that there were 14 years between the first two films, it might be a long wait to find out -- but then, that's one of the good things about having long-range goals. There's always something to look forward to.
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AuthorRobert J. Elisberg is a political commentator, screenwriter, novelist, tech writer and also some other things that I just tend to keep forgetting. Feedspot Badge of Honor
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