"I see that Bill O'Reilly is upset at me. Imagine My pain. I created the world in six days. Look what he did with everything I gave him. And by the way, he had 68 years. And millions of dollars. And his own TV show. I had nothingness.
"I look at people say that Man is created in God's image, and then I wonder what on earth they must think about Me when they see Bill O'Reilly. Hold on, Nellie, let's be clear about something. Yes, I did create the image. But it's you people yourselves who fill in all the empty spaces, which is what makes up one's humanity. And believe me, Bill-O has a lot of empty spaces.
"I don't always work in ways that are really SO mysterious. I gave free will, and when I saw what Bill O'Reilly did, I got him canned. Anything less would be irresponsible.
"Besides, I was getting pretty bothered by that whole 'War on Christmas' thing. So, I killed two birds with one stone. Christmas is going just fine. In fact, I've got to get back to my TV. Hallmark is running another of its 'Christmas in October' movie marathons. God love 'em. Literally."